When You -
by LiVeUrLiFe011
Summary: Regionals are soon to arrive and Rachel begins hiding a life-altering secret from her team and loved ones. With Jesse now faced between his feelings for Rachel or keeping alliances with Vocal Adrenaline, which will he choose? Will their love be enough to overcome all the secrets and lies they've both told each other? Or will Rachel's disclosure ruin all those future apology plans?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my take on the Rachel and Jesse pairing! Know that the episode 'Bad Reputation' did NOT happen (the one with the 'Run Joey Run' video). I felt really bad for Rachel in that episode and didn't want the St. Berry pairing to have a downfall (yet). So just ignore all that and skip to **_**my**_** version of the 'Laryngitis' episode. Hope you like it! Review and enjoy!**

* * *

"I can't do this," Rachel sobbed to her dads as they held her.

"Yes you can," Hiram Berry encouraged his daughter as she cried out in pain from the doctor's doings. This was the second time now their daughter was getting her bone marrow tested to see if she had leukemia. She had fought it once as a small kid, her body doing the most of her work for her, but now it returned.

Hiram grabbed a hold of LeRoy's outstretched hand, holding onto it for strength while they listened to their daughter scream out in pain and agony once more.

"The worst is over now Rachel," the doctor said with a sterile white mask covering his face. He was watching her marrow drop into a tube, patiently waiting on filling the vile.

"Daddies," she whimpered in pain. She didn't want to do this again.

"We know honey," LeRoy said with sad voice.

She landed in this spot – screaming in pain with her arms locked in her dads' – all from a case of laryngitis. She had walked into Glee Club fully intent on speaking her mind about how some of them (cough cough, her and Jesse) were picking up more work than others. She went to stick it to them singing 'The Climb', when her voice gave out and all went wrong.

She couldn't understand it at first. She thought that everything just been because of stress. Her sleeping patterns were off due to now having to juggle having a boyfriend, Glee Club, Regionals, and schoolwork. She never thought much of it until she felt herself getting sick.

Her dads were the one to haul her into the doctors after that. She couldn't keep up the charade long enough with them unfortunately. They had made her skip glee club rehearsals and taken her to get checked out instead.

The three of them stuffed in the tiny room weren't ready to hear what their family physician had say. Telling them that her blood count was off and her vocals could be like this due to the reoccurrence of leukemia, they inhaled a sharp breath. Things just stopped for her right then. Rachel Berry could not have cancer again.

As a young kid she could cope because she didn't know what the real world was like yet. She had no idea what it was like to feel attached to people other than her dads, and she certainly was not used to having challenging competition like with Vocal Adrenaline to go up against. Her hopes and dreams were still being created. And now that the time was here to fulfill them and make them come true, she was slowly losing them. Glee Club was so close to Regionals she could feel it! Broadway was calling for her right after that. She couldn't back down from it now!

Her doctor told her it was best to give another sample of blood and get her bone marrow analyzed for anything unusual. So that's what she did, and that is how she ended up here – all because a stupid case of laryngitis.

"Its all over now honey," LeRoy soothed his daughter as she sniffled. The doctor had gotten what he needed and went to pull out everything from her spine. She felt some pain as he maneuvered around but it wasn't like anything before. The annoying pressured sensation was something she could deal with. Jumping slightly at the poke, her fathers held her tighter until the doctor rolled away, the wheels of his chair running against the lament floor making a funny sound.

"Alright, we should have the results within the week. Nurse Carey can help you out here and explain everything you will need to go home." With that, the doctor shook the mens' hands and left with his samples.

"So Mr. and Mr. Berry," Carey the nurse addressed them while Rachel was given her clothes back. She struggled with her top, letting out a wince when she went to slide the shirt down from over her head.

"Here honey, I got it," Hiram said, helping her while his partner listened to the nurse talk. When it was all over with, they helped Rachel stand, noticing she was in a bit of pain.

"Nurse! Can we get a wheelchair over here please?!" LeRoy called.

"No, I'm okay," Rachel said trying to fight the pain shooting through her body.

"Honey, you need to take it easy and rest. You shouldn't push yourself yet," Hiram stated.

"But-"

"Ah, thank you," LeRoy said as a nurse came in with a chair. Sighing, Rachel gave in and took a few slow steps to situate herself in the chair. Biting her lip at the pain, she gave her dads the nod when she got comfy and they rolled her out of the hospital.

* * *

_I'm not missing Glee Club today;_ Rachel thought when she first woke up. Noticing it was a little past noon, she cursed in her head, knowing it was her dads who turned off her alarm. Getting up in pain, she slowly moved up from her bed and walked into her bathroom. She did her usual routines at a slow pace and difficulty, but within the next hour and a half, she was ready to go back to McKinley High.

"And what do you think you're doing?" LeRoy Berry asked his daughter who was dressed for school, coming down the stairs. He could see the wince on her face as she came went down each step.

"I'm going to Glee Club today," she replied in a strong voice.

"Oh no you aren't," Hiram said, answering before LeRoy could, as they all gathered in the foyer.

"I'm not missing Glee! I've already missed yesterday. People will start to worry; they'll start to ask questions!" she exclaimed, not wanting that. It was a good thing Jesse had left for his spring break because she couldn't take him finding out what was going on now.

"Rachel, you just had a major procedure done. Although medical science says you're okay to resume your daily lifestyle, you clearly are not," Hiram protested, giving motioning gestures to the way she was walking down the stairs slow and in pain.

"I just need to take something! I'll be fine!" she pleaded. "I need this. I can't be here any longer."

"Rachel," LeRoy said in a warmer, kinder voice.

"No dad," she whined. "I want to go today. I have to. I'll try to take it easy as best as I can, but please. I have to go!"

Both Berry men looked at each other, silently debating it between them.

"Fine," Hiram sighed. "But only for Glee club. We will have to talk to your teachers and principal tomorrow about your situation."

Rachel was relieved at first after hearing her parents say she was allowed to go to Glee but then the smile quickly vanished from her face. "What?"

"We need to discuss your health matters with your teachers Rachel. They, along with your principal should know what's going on."

"No," she protested. Her body was going tense and she felt distraught. She didn't want anyone to know about this. She didn't want to show weakness or any sign of being more unusual than she already was.

"Honey," Hiram sighed pinching the bridge of his nose in stress.

"What your father is trying to explain to you is," LeRoy said stepping in, "this time looks to be much more serious. It's best that we let others know what is going on so they can make accommodations."

Rachel went to open her mouth in protest but her dad continued. "And I know you hate it. You've beaten the disease before, yes sweetie we know, but now that you're in high school you need to be taken out of class with a reason. It wasn't like when you were a little toddler and we could just pluck you out of school. Your teachers need to be informed of this decision."

"B-B-but…" she tried to argue. There was no use. Her parents were right. If she really did relapse then it would mean more treatments and hospital visits. It would take time out of her class schedule or even glee club…

"No!" she gasped. "I can't be taken away from glee!"

"Rachel," LeRoy sighed now too.

"Please, no daddies," she pleaded with the two of them. She walked off the last step of the staircase, holding onto the banister for balance. "You can't do this to me. Please. Glee Club is my life. Its what I've been working so hard on. You can't take this away from me now. Please!"

"We aren't sweetie, it's just…"

"I can't let them know!" she said in building hysterics now. "They can't know. I don't want their pitiful looks or sympathies. I'm Rachel Berry! I'm strong! I-I'm their co-captain! If they know about this then things will change. They won't look at me the same. They'll give me all the solos I want and go along with every song I practically choose. I-I-I can't!"

Both fathers disagreed with Rachel's choice and line of thinking, but the way she was getting upset about it, they concluded it was all her own. She would come around when she was less flabbergasted by the news, and right now, they needed to be there for her and not create friction.

"Alright, we'll work around this then," Hiram said with a thoughtful look.

"We will?" LeRoy asked his partner.

Raising an eyebrow, Hiram questioned his spouse. _Won't we? _The way Rachel was looking at the two of them, he couldn't bear to crush her any more than she had already been. The look on his daughter's face was truly heartbreaking for him. He surely couldn't disobey any of her wishes and dreams, especially when they always encouraged them.

"Okay," LeRoy agreed taking a good look at Rachel after Hiram's expression. They would scheme.

"Thank you," Rachel sniffled and hugged them both. Ignoring the pain that went up her back when she stretched her arms out, she held them tightly and then smiled brightly.

Glee Club was like any other day for the most part. Not many were curious about if she was okay nor asked if she had went to the doctor. Most of them just commented about how painful the experience was to listen to her that day and wished she wouldn't sing until she knew she could sound better.

"It was one song!" she finally shouted when Santana made some other low remark about her performance when her vocal chords were messed up. She had interrupted Mr. Shuester from talking about their next possible assignment. "I messed up on one song. How many have you ever messed up on Santana? How many have you all messed up on?" she asked the club. She couldn't take their criticism any longer. She had enough on her plate as it was. She apologized to them all, already completely embarrassed, and wanted to sing a better song when she had the time to pick one out. But it still wasn't enough.

"Well geez Berry, no one could quite butcher a song like you did," Santana snapped with an attitude while her arms stayed crossed.

Suffocating feelings of helplessness washed over Rachel. She stood before the entire glee club in out cry of unfairness and no one had anything to say. And so there was none. There was no point to giving a comeback or saying anything else to Santana. There was not even a reason to sit back down and listen to Mr. Shuester talk anymore. So she ran off. She ignored the pain in her body as best as she could, and walked out. She had wasted enough energy on the club after yesterdays ordeal and giving a lecture the to the group just wasn't in the cards.

Hiding in the empty dance studio, Rachel let a few tears fall. Boy she wished Jesse was here.

Jesse had gone to San Diego with his friends from Vocal Adrenaline. At first, he was unsure, but after a long talk between the two of them, they decided it would be a missed opportunity if he didn't. He had been talking about UCLA and it would be great if he could go experience the West Coast. As much as she wanted him with her, she knew she couldn't be selfish. And it worked out for the better anyways. With her diagnosis, Jesse would be able to see something was up and demand answers she wasn't willing to give.

Going towards the center of the room, Rachel took her time, gently making her way to the floor to lie down and stare at the ceiling. How could the Glee Club be so unfair? How could Mr. Shuester stand by and to hear those comments and not say anything? She wanted to yell at her teacher – yell at him in the face and ask if he saw what their comments were doing to her. They felt like they were taking parts of her – parts she didn't know she had devoted to the club. Every day for hours on end she slaved away for them. She worked on choreography moves in her head and planned out playlists to help them with their competitions. She spent time looking for the right costume and trying to improve her range so that maybe if she hit another super high note it would give them a better edge against the competition at Regionals.

Why couldn't they see any of this?

She sulked there for a while later until she felt better. She was too tired to dance or to sing, but to be in the surrounding worked close enough. It took her a while to get up from her spot. At one point, Rachel wasn't even sure if she was going to make it up. But she did. She fought and she struggled. She made it though and that's all that mattered.

* * *

A nightmare too scary to even have, had come true in Rachel Berry's life. The next day when her and her dads walked in to the principal's office to discuss her situation – as promised to them before – she almost had an aneurysm. Principal Figgins was nowhere to be found; instead it was Sue Sylvester who was sitting in his chair waiting to greet them.

"No," Rachel gave a small dramatic gasp.

"Ms. Berry," Sue nodded acting all civil in front of her parents. Rachel knew those mischievous eyes. They held a twinkle of dislike and desire to destroy the glee club. "Mr. and Mr. Berry," she then acknowledged, holding her hand out for them to shake.

"Now what can I do for you?" Sue asked sitting in the head chair.

"Our Rachel here has special circumstances in which she will need to be pulled out of class every so often. We didn't want to raise concern so we thought we would tell you ourselves. If Rachel is going to be missing any of her classes, it is because we are pulling her out," LeRoy explained.

"And why is that?" Sue asked looking to both men. "Because the way I see it, children need an education – a full education. I don't care if you want to spend time with your daughter just for kicks, she should be in here learning. Forget the tutus and dress up for where glee is concerned. You two men ought to be ashamed of yourselves for pulling her out just because you have the power."

The Berry clan was stunned. Every comment, although not made in the way they interpreted it was wrong. I don't care if you want to spend time with your daughter? But Sue Sylvester didn't know she was dying.

"Coach Sylvester…-"

"It's Principal Sylvester Ms. Berry-" Sue said with a force to her last name.

"Right, Principal Sylvester," Rachel corrected.

"We aren't pulling her out for fun," Hiram interrupted. He knew his daughter was going to explain her condition to make the woman understand, but he was hoping it wouldn't come with that. He promised himself inside and out he would try to please his daughter's wishes as best as possible and one of them was to keep her secret a secret. "Please take that into consideration."

"Oh and what do you plan on doing then? Because from what I know, both of you are never around much. Do you know teens who are alone at home after schools without parental supervision are ones who are most likely engaged in high risk activities and behavior. Sex, drugs, gambling-…"

"Enough," Rachel said breaking the Coach's spiel. "My dads aren't pulling me out of school for fun, and they are doing their best they can as working parents. I have cancer Principal Sylvester. I relapsed with leukemia and I need to miss certain hours of school so I can go to chemotherapy. I'm not some high risk behavior teen nor am I some statistic."

For once, Sue Sylvester was stunned.

"I'm dying and that is why I need to miss my classes," Rachel repeated. Her fathers held both her hands.

"No, you have a great chance of winning this battle again. You need to believe in that," Leroy scolded.

"I agree with your father," Hiram stated in a more positive tone.

"I am very sorry," Sue said.

The words that hit Rachel's ears couldn't be right. They couldn't have just poured out of the mouth of the one and only enemy of the glee club Sue Sylvester.

"I apologize for everything I just said. I can be harsh. Mr. and Mr. Berry…"

"Its all right," LeRoy said. "We are all under a lot of stress right now. I'm sure you have a lot on your place as temporary principal too."

They sat in silence for a few seconds. Rachel watched as Sue took in the news some more, and she squeezed her dad's hands in her lap, soaking up their company.

The doctor had called them early this morning, telling her the tests were true. She did, in fact have leukemia again and needed to start treatments right away. Over the phone they talked about the dosage, side effects and silly things she already knew from before, and planned the date to start the first treatment tomorrow.

"I'm going to be on a low dose," Rachel told Sue slowly. The woman's eyes met her own in a blank sorrowed look. "It lowers the chances that I lose all my hair and isn't so powerful that I become completely drained. I'll obviously be more tired than usual, and most likely less focused, but after those first few weeks but it should get better. My body will adjust and I'll try not to miss more school than I have to."

"Don't worry about that," Sue said dismissively. She was starting to recuperate from the shock from what Rachel could tell. "I'll tell your teachers and get them all on board. Your absences won't be an issue."

"She starts chemo tomorrow," LeRoy added when silence settled in the office again.

Sue didn't reply with anything, rather she stared at the teenage girl who had to go through all of this while talking to her parents. "Is there anything else we need to discuss?"

"No, I believe that is all," Hiram said in a relieved tone of voice. Things went better than he had expected. He thought every teacher was going to have to be brought in and reasoned with.

"Fantastic," Sue said standing up from her chair. The three of them all stood, both men extending their hand in thanks for her.

"Rachel, if you could hang around for a minute," Sue said when they all went to file out her office door. Nodding, Rachel hugged her dads goodbye and then went to go sit back down in her seat in front her.

"How are you holding up?" Sue wondered.

"As well as can be expected I guess," Rachel shrugged, studying the fine cherry wood of the desk. She didn't want to think much more about this. She just wanted to turn herself on autopilot, kind of like she did when she went to class. She liked to think that now this was all about acting. She would be able to put her skills to the test to act like the same old Rachel Berry she was before. "I've had this when I was younger too. I fought it for about two years. I'm sure I can manage again."

"Two years is a long time," Sue commented with a gentle voice Rachel wasn't used to hearing.

Her façade cracked a bit and Sue saw it. "The leukemia is a lot stronger than last time. I'm not sure I can-…No, no I _**can**_ beat it," she said changing her mind. Her voice had such conviction, but it seemed forced like she was trying to believe what she was saying herself.

"Is there anything else you need Rachel?"

She thought about it for a second, wondering what she would need covered for a time like this. An extension on her homework? An option to re-try if she fails a test? A pass to leave class early so she didn't have to move through the busy hallways with everyone else?

"Secrecy," she stated simply. Finally then was the time that she looked up to Coach/Principal's Sylvester's eyes again. "I need you to keep this a secret. Nobody can know and no one can find out. I can't have people knowing and feeling bad for me. Everything stays the same."

This surprised Sue. It surprised at how strong this Berry girl was trying to be and was dedicated on succeeding.

"Especially with Mr. Shue," Rachel said cutting the other woman's thoughts. "He can't know about this. He can't know that I'm sick or I've been missing classes to go to chemotherapy. If anyone from the glee club finds out then everything is ruined."

"Aren't you being a tad bit dramatic there Berry?" Sue asked with some of that spite Rachel was familiar with. She enjoyed the normalcy of it but could also tell that it was gentler, more joking.

"You're even doing it," she said to her to try and prove a point. "Lets face it Coach–… I mean _Principal_ Sylvester, by now you would have been saying some nasty comment about the glee club or my looks, or even my name. You would have made some rude joke about my attitude and personality expressing how I'm some overachiever or teachers pet. But you aren't. You know now and I don't want things to change around me. I'm still the same Rachel Berry just…just a little different now too."

Sue sighed and took a few seconds to pause. She had leaned back against the chair, thinking over everything this Berry girl had said. Leaning forward, she set her forearms on her desk and interlaced her fingers. "When you walk out of that office, things will go back to exactly the way they were. You will get that same Sue Sylvester fire everyone else gets in this crap hole of a school," she told her. "But when you come into my office, you will get this Sue. Not the sympathetic-pity-Rachel Berry-Sue, but the Sue that does care for the students at this school on some level. Got it?"

"Got it," Rachel said softly smiling. With a nod of agreement, Rachel got up from her chair.

"As soon as you walk out," Sue reminded her.

And so Rachel Berry walked, more happier than a clam.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Chapter #2 of my first time writing Glee. Hope you all enjoy and thanks for the reviews!**  
**(All my errors are my own)**

* * *

She thought about texting Jesse a few times during his leave. She never actually had because she figured he was busy and needed to spend time with his friends, but she missed him. Although she wanted him to have a great spring break, she wanted to be with him, especially now. Rachel sat waiting for glee to begin again. Her stomach had been in knots hoping the scene she made yesterday wouldn't be brought up.

**I miss you** was the text Rachel was debating to send to Jesse. Her finger hovered over the enter button, about ready to do it. _Why not?_ She thought. _What was the worst he could say or do? Not respond?_

"Hey Rach," Finn said coming to sit next to her. Startled, she closed her phone. The decision was made for her apparently, that she wouldn't send the same text she had pondered over for days, again. Rachel put her phone in her bag and then watched as most other members filled in too. "Hey Finn."

"How's the voice?" He seemed to be the only one who cared. He had offered to take her to the doctors and even did some research about sore throats for her when she was scared. She knew he was a really caring guy, but she also knew a lot of his actions were because he still liked her. He had told her before when he gave her a ride home that there was more to her than her voice. He had said she was a really great person and showed more passion than anyone he's ever met – granted Lima's population was bigger than McKinley High and he didn't know many people outside of there besides his mom and Kurt's dad.

Rachel couldn't seem to understand Finn. They had been together before Jesse came along but when they were a couple Finn barely was there. He broke up with her because he said wanted to focus on himself – so then why did he now begin to suddenly fight for her?

"_When are you going to realize he's not into you like I am? You think he's going to stick around if you can't sing? If you're a vocal cripple?" Finn asked her frustrated the one-day he drove her home._

_So she set things straight. "Look, I know you've always been jealous of Jesse. And even though we haven't spoken since he's left for spring break you just have to accept the fact that I still care about him deeply and I know he feels the same way about me." _Her words were what brought herself to constantly feel like she needed to text Jesse. Neither of them had say anything to each other after he left and she wondered if Vocal Adrenaline got to him. _No he's out having fun,_ she scolded herself. She couldn't doubt Jesse. Not now. They needed each other.

"Its okay, getting better," she noted to him with a slow smile. Before they could say much more to each other, Mr. Shuester walked in and began talking.

"Finn, you said you had a song you wanted to share with us?"

"Yes Mr. Shue," he said getting up from his seat. Giving Rachel a wink, he waited for the band to begin before opening his mouth to sing.

"_**Jessie is a friend,  
Yeah I know he's been a good friend of mine  
But lately something's changed  
It ain't hard to define  
Jessie's got himself a girl  
And I want to make her mine  
And she's watching him with those eyes  
And she's lovin' him with that body, I just know it!  
And he's holding her in his arms late, late at night**_

_**You know I wish that I had Jessie's girl  
I wish that I had Jessie's girl  
Where can I find her, a woman like that?"**_

Rachel had been stunned and mortified. He was making everything so public. Singing to her like that and coming up to stand in front of her singing Jesse's girl! She was surprised that the glee clubbers didn't say anything afterwards. Instead he got praise and then they listened to what Puck wanted to sing.

"Come meet me after school. I want to take you somewhere," Finn told her.

"I-…" but before she could say anything else, the bell had rung and Finn left smirking, thinking they had plans together. Rachel was lucky enough that she didn't have her first round of chemo until 5 o'clock when her dads usually came home, so she sighed and went with it. Sticking out the rest of her day, she looked up to see Finn waiting for her at her locker when the day was done.

"Ready?"

"Sure, but where are we going?" she asked following him to the parking lot.

"You'll see. I want you to meet a friend of mine. I think he'll put things in perspective for you."

"Things?" she asked climbing into his truck. _Please don't tell me he knows,_ she thought. "What types of things?"

"You know how you said you didn't know who you would be without your singing voice? Well I have something to say about that problem."

"You're very expressive today Finn," she stated, referring back to glee club. He went to reply to that but Rachel's phone buzzed. Checking the message, she saw it was from her dads, reminding her about later today.

"Everything okay?" he wondered. He had peered over to see a small frown on her face.

"Yeah, just my dads reminding me that I have to be home by 5," she said smoothly, telling herself it wasn't a lie.

Accepting it, Finn continued to drive with the radios music filling in between them.

* * *

They rang the doorbell, both standing in front of a two-story house, waiting for someone to answer. A woman came along, about Rachel's height, opening the door.

"Uh hi, Mrs. Fretthold, this is Rachel," Finn introduced.

"Pretty," she stated making Rachel blush as they stepped in. "I'll tell Sean you're here."

While they waited, Rachel and Finn looked around. Noticing pictures, Rachel stepped forward and asked Finn if that was him.

"Uh yeah, we met at football camp a few years ago."

The guy in the photo was taking a knee for a football picture, wearing a blue and white numbered jersey. He had dark black hair like Finns and a found face.

"He's ready for you," Mrs. Fretthold called.

"Fab- five- Finnster," the guy called.

"Fretter," Finn called, walking over towards his hospital bed and lifting his wrist acting like they gave each other a knuckle touch.

_What was going on?_ Rachel thought to herself as she started to become overwhelmed.

"Is this the hottie you've been telling me about?" he questioned to Finn.

"Yeah! Sean Fretthold, Rachel Berry, Rachel, Sean."

"Got a boyfriend Rachel?" Sean questioned.

"Um…yeah sort of," Rachel answered with her arms around herself tight, looking to Finn to understand what this was about.

"Sort of? Sounds like I've got a shot," Sean joked, smiling to Finn.

"I-I don't understand," Rachel said quietly. "This isn't funny," she whispered to Finn.

"Sorry," Sean said catching the words. "They make me see a shrink. He says I compensate with humor."

Rachel and Finn both stood there, Rachel more mind boggled than anything. Why was she here? What was Finn trying to achieve by bringing her here? Did this have to do with her and Jesse again?

"It was the third game of the season, right after I met this Finnster, " Sean explained to help the situation, "This Yeti of a fullback breaks through the line. I hear a crack, next thing I know I'm laying on the ground saying to myself 'get up, get up', but nothing was working."

"Sean was a C4," Finn added.

"Paralyzed from the chest down," Sean clarified to make more sense.

"I'm so sorry," Rachel said breathless. She couldn't believe what had happened. It was just a game and his life had changed forever because of it.

"Finn says you've lost your voice. Is it going to come back?"

"I-I-I don't know," Rachel replied unsure of anything anymore. Sure it would come back. It was coming back. Her doctor had told her it was most likely temporary, that the chemo would help and it wasn't anything to worry about.

"Pissed off about what you lost?" he wondered to her, breaking her thoughts.

Rachel stared at him and thought about it. Yeah she was, but not about her voice, rather her life and her leukemia.

"I was, like real rage. I used to lie in bed and just scream," he stated. And that was when she lost it. Because it was exactly how she was feeling. She wanted to scream.

"Finn shouldn't have brought me here, I-I'm so sorry," she said and went to leave the room.

"Wait, wait, wait," Finn said trying to catch her. "Just…tell her about what happened when they gave you the chair," he said to Sean. Rachel turned to him, watching as Finn sat down to hear the story himself.

"They were all excited," Sean stated, "because I could drive it myself by blowing in that tube. The second they left me alone…I drove it into the swimming pool."

"His mom pulled him out when she heard the splash," Finn added.

"I-I don't understand," Rachel said trying to get a grasp on things. "Are…are you trying to tell me that you're happier now?"

"Hell no," Sean replied. "I'm miserable. I miss my body. I miss my life. I miss my friends. I miss girls. But realized, over time, that I've got other stuff going on, more than just one thing. Did you know I'm good at math? Seriously," he told them when Finn smiled. "I flew through calc one in like two months. And I can sing."

"He's actually pretty good," Finn said with a smile.

"I used to sing in the shower, in the car…I didn't have the balls to try out for my school's club like Finn did. That pissed me off more than anything. What the hell was I afraid of?"

"Sorry guys, time for physical therapy," his mom interrupted them.

"I'll come by in a few weeks," Finn said getting up from his chair. "See you soon dude."

"I'll be here," Sean called back.

"Thanks," Rachel murmured.

"For what?" Sean asked as she went to leave.

"Just um…thanks," she said unable to say more. He was giving her a reason to fight for her life without even knowing it.

Rachel did a lot that night after Finn dropped her off. For one, she went to chemotherapy. Her dads had been waiting for her inside. They had been unpacking their work things and packing anything she might have needed for the hospital trip. When they sat down with the needle underneath her skin, she told them about her day, who she had met and al the little details in between. She tried to fight down the nausea and only lost the battle twice, letting her dads hold her hair back while she vomited.

When she got home, tired and exhausted, she made a new goal to look at in her room for every morning when she woke up. Instead of it saying something about making it to regionals or becoming a big Broadway star, she wrote, 'to make every day last'. It was cheesy and totally dramatic but it was for her. She had her own reasons to live life in the best way possible everyday.

Lastly, before she crawled into bed to preserve the rest of her energy, she made sure to write a list of all she would have to accomplish as a 'just in case' for her future. Even though Sean made her believe again that she could survive this long battle, she had to be realistic and possibly prepare.

Settling underneath the covers she turned off her lamp and went to bed. Tomorrow would be a new day.

* * *

School and glee club was about the same. Neither her nor Finn brought up Sean, but he could tell she was grateful for the visit. She stuck to her same routines of the school day and went home when everything was finally over. Her intent was to sleep until her dads got home so they could make dinner together, but instead when she walked into the house. She had other ideas.

Mrs. Fretthold allowed her in their home again, surprised to see her without Finn. They walked down the hall and into Sean's room, seeing him covered up bare chested with a blanket over him.

"Mom," he said embarrassed that he wasn't decent enough for him.

Walking over there, Mrs. Fretthold lifted the blanket higher while Rachel looked away to make him less uncomfortable, and then was left with the two of them alone.

"Finn with you?" Sean wondered.

"No. I-I came by myself. Is that okay?"

"Yeah."

"I um, I just wanted to say thank you, and for showing me that just because I'm not good at anything other than singing doesn't mean that I'm not any good if I can't sing. That sounded like a really bad greeting card," she chuckled.

He laughed too, shaking his head. "No. It was cool."

"Well…anyways," she shrugged, "I thought I could at least return the favor. I thought I could give you singing lessons. It sort of seemed like an area of interest for you. I'll come by like once or week or something? And we can see how it goes? I've helped almost every one in our glee club," she stuttered out nervously. "Some by brute force, but…"

"So your voice came back," he said.

She nodded. "Turns out if you become patient enough and let the doctors take care of it, it does work out. I-I'm not scared anymore."

He laughed softly and then stared at her. "There is something else going on though, I can tell."

Rachel paused, clearly nervous and jittery. "You don't have to tell me," he stated kindly. "Its just written all over your face."

She let out a nervous laugh, brushing some hair behind her ear. Could she tell him? What would he think?

"I relapsed with leukemia," she spoke before even her mouth could register what was spilling out of it.

"I'm sorry," he spoke.

Shrugging, she explained herself. "I had it when I was younger and fought it off, I can do it again."

"Do you truly believe that?" It was like he could see the real her – the real Rachel Berry even though he had just met her. Only a handful of people could do that, those being her parents and Jesse. How could he?

"I'm trying to," she admitted. "I want to survive this and live, but a part of me knows my chances aren't good."

"Seems like that's holding you back."

"More than you realize," she confessed, thinking the negativity was going to swallow her whole.

"So uh…" he said in the silence. "Do you want to give it a spin now? The singing lessons I mean," he told her when she looked at him puzzled. Letting a smile grow on her face she nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I would be honored."

Smiles on both of their faces, he gestured with his head. "Come here."

She wasn't afraid per say, rather embarrassed and blushing when she took the steps to meet him. She wasn't sure how to take his responsiveness with seeing right through her and she didn't know what to expect from him now that he knew.

"Take my hand," he told her watching carefully. Uncovering the limb from the blanket, she touched him carefully. "Can you feel that?"

"No," he said sadly and slightly frustrated. He wished he could, so much so. "But its weird."

The anger melted from his eyes when he stared into her innocent ones. "I remember what it feels like, and I can see it, so its like I can."

A moment stirred in between them – not sadness or pity, but understanding. "I-I um…" She said clearing her throat from the heavy moment, "I though we'd do a little classic rock today. Finn said you might like that."

He nodded, watching her and waiting for her to being.

"_**Is it getting better**_?" she wondered with her singing voice. "_**Or do you feel the same**_?"

"_**Will it make it easier on you now  
you've got someone to blame**_?"

"_**You say**_," he began.

"_**One love, one life.  
When its one need, in the night**_

_**One love, we get to share it  
leaves you baby, if you don't care for it**_"

And so they sang the rest of the song together, each had great voices complimenting each other. She felt such an emotional connection to him on so many different levels. It wasn't anything like her and Jesse had, but it was stronger than a friendship she could ever have with someone else.

When they were done and breathless, she smiled at him with a tear running down her cheek. Cupping his face, she said her goodbyes and a quick "I'll see you next week".

She had brought this song up to Glee. It was a strong one she felt that needed to be honored. Her friends had thought wasn't anything other than another song for Regionals, but to her it was something more.

Her and Finn were leads of course, but to her it didn't mean anything to her other than a reminder to what her and Sean shared. The song was for him. It was for his strength and a part of him giving to her. She put her whole body into this song, feeling that Sean deserved it.

"Amazing guys," Mr. Shue said after practice. Dismissing them all, Rachel gathered her things and set home.

* * *

**A/N: Next chapter is when Jesse returns! Stay tuned!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey guys! I hope you're enjoying the story. Thanks for taking some time to read it over. If you would let me know how I'm doing so far that would be awesome. Y'all are the best!**

* * *

Being the weekend, Rachel was dealt a full hand of chemo treatments. She felt like she lived at the hospital for the amount of hours she had stayed there. Her side effects felt ten times worse from the last one before. A bus could have hit her and she would have still felt more horrible than that. They had asked her to stay over night since she couldn't stop vomiting or get up with someone else helping her. She was pale and weak. Every time she went to go do something she would get woozy.

The doctors let her go home on Sunday night, telling her to keep hydrated and get as much sleep as possible. She didn't bother arguing with her dads when they helped her straight up to bed, because it was exactly what she wanted. And when they had her drink a full glass of water before going to sleep, she didn't even say anything because she just wanted the night end and not have to wake up. She was hoping for a great day tomorrow or something better than her last few days. She had school tomorrow and had to put on a happy face.

Luckily her alarm clock was still set. It went off two hours early before she had to go to school, but Rachel didn't get up for one. She felt tired and a little bit woozy, and then suddenly she felt terribly sick. She rushed herself to the bathroom as fast as her body could take her before throwing up. The sound of it and the taste in her mouth made her experience all that much worse.

Wiping her mouth she sat by the toilet until her nausea went away. She got ready for school, packing her dancewear for her free period so she could spend her hour of nothing doing something she enjoyed before she was sick. Rehearsing always helped her calm down and put her in a different world – something she really needed right then.

Her dads had lectured her about not working too hard and to call if she needed anything while in school. She knew she still looked pale and didn't feel like herself and she didn't fight with them on that either. She needed something to brighten up her day.

Walking into glee in the early morning – for once not being the first one there – they waited as Mr. Shuester talked, introducing them to Mr. Ryan, who was here to give his opinions on the arts and evaluate McKinley High.

"Take out a piece of paper." Mr. Ryan spoke. "And on that paper, I want you to write down your biggest dream. A dream that means so much, you are afraid to admit it – even to yourself." Rachel sat there for a second thinking, while others wrote. Instead of writing her dream to be becoming a huge star, she wrote 'to live' in tiny letters. It was something even she could barely admit. She had wanted to live whether the statistics were in her favor or not. She had wanted to fight this cancer. And when she was done, covering up the words with her hands, she watched as Mr. Ryan took Artie's paper from his lap and crumpled it up, throwing it in the trash.

"Your dream is never going to happen."

The words choked her, making her want to cry, run away and to throw up. A part of her knew that Mr. Ryan was being harsh, obviously having something against the arts, but that part of her, which she suppressed of its negativity, came to life. It jabbed her in the heart showing her just what she was going to miss when she died.

The dance studio was empty, thankfully giving her the time to think. She felt in dire need to be in this place and let dance consume her. Mr. Ryan's words still lingered in her head, echoing in her ears. She had already thrown up once today after Glee. It wasn't just his words that made her sick, but the chemotherapy and the real truth she wasn't sure if she could ever face. After changing into her dancewear, she pulled her hair up in a bun and went to forget. She put down her stuff on a bench in the room and began to stretch, slowly then breaking out into her practice of her dream ballet as Laurey with her imaginary Curley in Oklahoma. She didn't know where she got the energy from or the strength not to cry but she did it – for a while anyways.

Every movement she made, she knew in her head it could be her last. All of this dream talk was making her become painfully aware that her dreams were slipping away. She had actually stopped a few times when the overwhelming qualms captured her. Of course, she continued on though. She stared herself down in the mirror, willing herself not to break. Not here, not now, not ever in the near feature.

Catching a glimpse of something in the room, she twirled her last circle and stopped. Her gaze hit a body, finding the one and only Jesse St. James in front of her, leaning against the ballet bars watching her.

"Hi," he said in the most soft and gentle tone. Her heart melted and her hard shell of determination cracked. He was here…really here after the long week.

"How was your spring break?" she questioned wiping an almost falling tear from her eye while pretending to curl a piece of hair behind her ear. He looked so perfect, just as he was before he left her. She felt overwhelmed by his presence, happy and joyful that he was here. Everything was better now. Everything would be okay.

_It doesn't erase anything that's happened_, Her mind told her, making everything crash again. She held her arms around herself, looking as guarded as anything. Now it would mean she would have to keep this from him. It didn't change a thing.

"Good," he said taking a look around. "Its good to be back." Moving his eyes back to her, he took a step forward, moving away from the bars to come to her. "What were you just rehearsing?" He wanted to hug her – to feel her and to see her. Being away from her for a week caused him pain although he tried to cover it up with joy when he was with his friends.

Stepping away as he neared, Rachel removed herself from his wanting grasp. She ignored her internal wish to be in his arms again, thinking that maybe a cold shoulder would be best with him. "A guy came to talk to us about dreams." She informed him with that Rachel Berry mask of hers – ten times as better as before as she packed up her things; "Luckily I've known mine since I was four. I'm going to play three parts on Broadway..."

Explaining the rest, she drowned herself in her words, acting like those were still her dreams. _They had to be_ she thought. There was no other dream she could have. It was all bull shit she was creating, she knew it, but she hoped he didn't. He couldn't.

"That's not a dream," he told her coming forth some more. He wanted to hold her – to be close to her. "A dream is something fills up the emptiness inside; the one thing that you know if it came true all the hurt would go away. You singing 'Don't Cry for me Argentina' in front of a sold out crowd isn't a fantasy, it's an inevitability."

The words that came out of his mouth were inspiring and true. He had hoped that they worked to where she would stop distancing herself from him like something was wrong and hug him. And she did.

Unable to hold back, she launched herself into his arms, wrapping her arms around his chest, hugging him like she never wanted to let him go. His words made her want to cry_. I never want to let him go._ He gave a chuckle, taking her hug with ease while keeping his head on top of hers, resting and relishing in the missed feel. Something was different about her, that was for sure, but he didn't care. He had her.

"I thought you'd never come back," she mumbled, hoping to never let go. She wanted him to tell her everything was okay – to never leave her or go anywhere even though she probably would.

"And miss all your drama? Never." His way of silently saying 'I'm here'. They let go of each other, except for their hands of course, only to walk out the door and down the halls to class.

"So what is it, your dream?" he wondered curiously.

"I don't know," she said shyly, hoping not to think about earlier today. Jesse made her forget. He made the bad things and thoughts go away.

"Well go inside, find it, and as it what its going to take," he replied, watching her sudden shyness. What was going inside her head? Melting like putty, Rachel hoped she wouldn't start crying at his sweet words. "Why are you pushing this?"

He took her in his arms, her fitting perfectly against his side. She curled against him, slightly smiling while enjoying the way they could walk and hug each other down the hallway at the same time. _He was just what I needed_…

"Because I'm your boyfriend. I want to know all your secrets," he smiled back nudging her gently. 'So what was going on?' Was his way of asking her about the silent problem she seemed to be having. Rachel knew Jesse could read her, just as Sean or her parents could. She couldn't keep something from him because he knew her too well. It was what brought them so close. She trusted him – just not with this. She wished she could tell him everything. She wanted to tell him what had happened and what was to come if he stuck by her. But she couldn't bring herself to say anything. She didn't want to lose him.

"When you lie awake at night, what's missing?" Jesse phrased it in a way that made Rachel think about other things. It wasn't about what she now had, rather what she didn't – something she could actually try to achieve.

"My mom," she said surprising herself.

"Your mom? Like you want to meet her?" he asked stunned too. Stopping in the crowded hallway, he turned the two of them so they could look at each other. It wasn't what he was expecting but it fit into his plans perfectly. The gods must have been on side, was all Jesse could think.

"I would just like to know who she is. I don't have to meet her or anything, but maybe just to find out her name or something out about her." She inhaled at the stare he was giving her – an indescribable puzzled stare. "Its silly," she claimed feeling the ridiculousness of her want herself. They continued to walk, each with an arm around each other. "Its not like it's going to happen or anything."

"Why?" he wondered curiously.

She blushed. "Well just because my dads never told me anything and I didn't want to ask anything because I didn't want to hurt their feelings." _And I still don't._ She thought to herself. _They wouldn't need this on their plates now too._

"So lets check out it out without them knowing," he stated as they came to the classroom door. She looked at him uncomfortably, unsure of his actions and reasoning. This was a path that she wasn't sure if she was ready to take. It could get dangerous and messy. Of course she wanted to find something out about her mom, but what was she really going to find? Could it really happen?

"Do you know why I came back to school here?" he asked, breaking herself from her thoughts as he held her hands. "To win another title another national title and make all your dreams come true. If this is one of them then I'm not going to stop until this happens."

His words made her want to fly. He was amazing guy and she couldn't believe he continued to stock by her. He was really willing to do this – to help her and solve her mystery. "Okay."

* * *

She began the search when her class took a trip to the library. She dug through the library's archives researching her birth date and coming up with the perfect answer. Patti Lapone. It was perfect.

Searching for Jesse, she pitched the idea. She had this renewed sense of energy now that he was around. She found it easier to act around everyone and be less down. She stated her reasoning for Patti, showed him research and was able to answer almost all his questions. To her it was perfect. But when she saw his facial expressions, she stopped. He seemed to say it all without even saying it.

Doubt. His questions were not to get more of an explanation, but to gently ease out of the possibility that such a star was her mother. He carried skepticism that wasn't trying to be mean or to shut her down, but to bring her to reality. And unfortunately Bernadette Peters wasn't a real reality either.

"Why are you so afraid about finding the truth?" he wondered, so passionately it hurt Rachel's heart.

"I don't know. I guess I just don't want to think she's some teenage trollop like Quinn or worse – some skanky girl who would do anything for money including giving me up," she answered, afraid of what kind of answers she was going to dig up.

"Why does it have to be any of those choices? Why couldn't it be a really good reason?" he questioned. He knew the truth and he didn't want her to be afraid. Going on, he got up from his chair and held her hands, convincing her that they needed to start a real investigation. Something like CSI. And so they planned to go to her house. Her dads had their own Rachel Berry museum and setting the tape in there for Ms. Corcoran was perfect.

* * *

He hated having to set her up like this. He felt bad that he was doing so. Rachel Berry was growing on him. He sat upstairs in her bedroom waiting for her to come back with boxes with a tape box in his shirt pocket. It weighed on him like it was 50 pounds. Rachel was unlike any girl he had met. At first, this job for Shelby was a great way to practice his acting skills. He had to be perceptive and deceptive. He thought he was perfect for it, just like she had. He befriended the Rachel girl without a problem, being that forward Jesse St. James he liked to be when he was acting. He was cocky and somewhat rude, but it didn't bother her, rather it put him toe to toe with her. She spoke her mind, just like he, and didn't take his words as hurtful unless she could see he really meant it – which he never did.

He couldn't believe he was doing this now, still lying and deceiving Rachel when he knew he liked her. If she ever found out about this she was going to be crushed – as a matter of fact, he knew she was going to be because he was going to return to Vocal Adrenaline as soon as he planted the tape. A part of him didn't want to, but a larger part of him knew he was being silly. It was just a girl – just Rachel Berry. VA came before all of this. It had to. He had one last championship to win and ND just wasn't ready for that. She would be here; in Lima for the next two years and one day she would forgive him.

"What took so long?" he wondered when she came in the room with two boxes.

It took her longer than expected to gather some of her old baby stuff from the basement for a number of reasons. For one, there were so many boxes filled with so many things, her dads seemed to have documented every little thing about her life. It made her break down and cry in the middle of the room with all her old things around her. Her battle against cancer barely begun and she was already feeling like it was over. Not many more boxes would be stacked down here to document her achievements in life and her parents would be left with so much empty space.

After that, she pulled it together. She remembered that Jesse was still up stairs waiting for her. She grabbed the two earliest boxes she could quickly find, and went to head upstairs, only to stop by a wave of nausea. She ran to the bathroom, throwing up the small lunch she forced down and then washed her mouth, trying to put on a face like nothing was wrong. She climbed the rest of her way slowly to her room and brought the boxes in.

"There was so much stuff in the basement, " she said dramatically to answer his question. "It's like a shrine. Its creepy and flattering at the same time."

They sat down and went looking through all the items. Rachel found her baby teeth, a sonogram, trophies, baby shoes, photos, and then a tape. A tape. The smile from all the long and earlier memories was wiped from her face when she took the tape in her hands.

"Oh my god, she wrote this," Rachel said looking at the tape that had 'To daughter, from mother' on it. "S-she held this in her hands."

Before she could fawn over it any more, Jesse had swept it from her hands and went to go play it.

"W-what are you doing?!" she asked in a daze, feeling emptiness in her hands all of the sudden.

"Playing the tape," he said eagerly, ready to sit with Rachel and listen.

"No!" she exclaimed flustered getting up from her spot on the bed.

"Why not? She wrote this. She wanted you to hear this," Jesse explained.

"No," she said again, now completely unsure. "T-Th-this is all happening too fast. What if she's singing on the tape? What if she's terrible? Or worse. What if she's better than me?"

"I can't believe we're so close to your dream coming true and you're running away from it."

"No," she objected feeling overwhelmed. "Its my choice. It's my life. And I-" She thought to herself about what Sean had always said about being mad at himself for holding back_. What was the worse that could happen? _He told her_. This was different though _she contradicted. "N-n-nah, I'm not ready."

Taking the tape from him, she turned around and went to sit back down at the foot of her bed. "Jesse, I think you should go." _I can't cry in front of you about this, _she thought again. She couldn't believe this was happening and her dream about her mom was coming so true so fast; first her relapse and now this? He stood there for a moment, watching her distraught face before leaving, hearing her cry.

All by herself, for 10, maybe 15 minutes, she didn't know, she cried. She packed the boxes that her and Jesse opened and took everything back down to the basement, all except for the tape. She set the item on her desk face down unable to bring herself to listen to it. She couldn't. Not yet at least.

* * *

She saw Sean again that next afternoon. It had been pouring rain all day and after the decision for Glee Club to be cut, she wanted to see him.

"Rachel," he said with kindness.

"Sean," she smiled back, this time not afraid to take a seat next to him. "How are you?"

"Working through calc 2," he responded, looking over to the book by his bed. His mom and him must have been doing it before she came. Rachel smiled at his talents and praised him.

"What's wrong?" he wondered.

"How do you do that?" she smiled with a small laugh and teary eyes.

"When you lay here day by day, you learn things about people. You learn how to read and pick up on their emotions."

She stayed silent looking at her lap and tried her hardest not too cry. "You try too hard Rachel," he said to her. "I may compensate with humor but you try to think to happy."

"How do you know I'm not just a happy person in general? You know my fellow glee clubbers say I'm annoying because I have such ambitions and dreams."

"But that's just it," he said. "Ambitions and dreams are one thing. You are trying to appear like everything is always alright."

The pretend smile fell from her face.

"So are you going to tell me now?" he wondered patiently.

Finally, she did. She broke down and told him about what happened with Mr. Ryan and how he tried to get rid of glee club but then didn't but then did again. She elaborated what happened with her dreams and the tape that her and Jesse found that had her mom on it. Sean wanted so bad to wipe her tears on his own, but instead he was embarrassedly and straightforward told her to do it for him. "I can't stand to see you sad," he told her when she did what he requested. The silence between them became awkward.

"I'm sorry," she spoke unsure why she was apologizing. To her, she really hoped that he wasn't getting the wrong idea. She was with Jesse and was happy, she just…well he just-…

"Don't be," he said getting exactly what he was trying to say. He didn't take it personally or blame it on his physical state; rather he knew that she was with someone.

Instead of talking about her problems any more, they sang together and spent the rest of the time laughing. They swapped stories about their families, Finn, and even some secrets. She enjoyed having a lighter time with him, and only felt nauseous once. He understood completely and whole-heartedly, never judging her once.

"I'll see you next week," she told him again when she went to leave.

"Stay dry," he instructed, turning his head to refer to the hard drops of rain that made noise against his window.

When she got home, she went upstairs and ran a brush through her wet hair. The rain didn't show any momentum of letting up, kind of like her mood when she was alone. She tried to act as happy as she was when she left Sean's when she got home, but reality haunted her when she was here. She took her time to comb her hair, thankful that she still had it. The chemo wasn't making her lose all of her hair, rather just strands here and there.

Walking out of the bathroom. She was caught off guard when she saw she had a visitor. "Jesse," she said surprised. "What are you doing here?"

He stood by her desk where her music player was and gave a careful encouraging look. "I said that I was going to make your dreams come true," he showed her the empty tape deck in his hand and went to close the player to press play.

"No, I'm not ready!" she rushed to her desk, ready to pull the thing out of there.

"Yes," he said, stopping her and hovering his body over hers while taking her hands. He smelled of that manly peculiar scent Rachel loved and glistened from tonight's rain. "You are." She stared into his eyes, hoping her wouldn't do this. Hoping that he wouldn't make her want something she wasn't sure she could have. This was too big, it was too much. But then he kissed her. His soft perfect lips landed on hers and made her nervous doubtful butterflies go away. It was a small simple kiss, a quick one really, which made her eyes search his once more when they pulled apart. It was almost like he was saying sorry or goodbye – she wasn't sure because then he backed away. He pressed play on the player, faced her to make she was okay, and walked backwards watching her until he went away.

"Hi baby, it's your mom. I think this pretty much says it all." Her voice floated in Rachel's ears singing 'I Dreamed a Dream'.

_**I dreamed a dream in time gone by  
When hope was high  
And life worth living **_

_**I dreamed that love would never die  
I dreamed that God would be forgiving**_

It was the perfect song and her mother's voice was incredible. It was perfect – smooth. It matched hers. Rachel imagined singing with her mom, singing it beside her as they belted out the words and large notes. She wanted this now. She wanted this vision to come true.

_**Then I was young and unafraid  
and dreams were made and used and wasted  
there was no ransom to be paid  
No song unsung  
No wine untasted**_

_**But the tigers come at night  
With their voices soft as thunder  
As they tear your hope apart  
As they turn your dream to shame**_

_**And still I dream [s]he'll come to me  
That we will live the years together  
But there are dreams that cannot be  
And there are storms we cannot weather!**_

_**I had a dream my life would be  
So different from this hell I'm living  
So different now, from what it seemed  
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed**_

The song came to an end, leaving Rachel into a helpless mess of want, desire, and confusion. What was she to do next?

* * *

**A/N: Don't forget to review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you to all of those who reviewed! Here is the next chapter. Sorry I posted it later than I expected. I didn't get a chance to read over this to see if I liked what I previously wrote, so some details may change later. **

**All mistakes are my own.**

* * *

Dream week was coming to an end for glee club. After feeling crushed – like others too – Mr. Shuester announced to them that glee club wouldn't be cut, which was something to be happy about. He had apparently given up his dream for theirs, and all though it seemed wrong, he didn't feel sorry. He had hope for all of them that they would become big stars.

From there Mr. Shue announced that Tina had a dance number she had wanted to perform to possibly help the out with regionals. Choosing Mike Chang as her partner Artie took the stage to sing and together they all practiced.

_**Stars shining bright above you  
Night breezes seem to whisper I love you  
Birds singing in the sycamore tree  
Dream a little dream of me.**_

Rachel looked at her lap as 'Dream A Little Dream Of Me' played. There were so many things going through her head she couldn't focus. She tried to put on the happy face – the one that Sean thought was too happy. With every word of the song, she was faltering, thinking about how didn't want to be here talking or singing about dreams any longer. Dreams for hopeless and for her were becoming short and complicated especially with Jesse. They were going to be outlived lived and not accomplished. She snuck a glance to Jesse sitting beside her and noticed him taking a glance at her.

_Focus Berry_, she commanded herself, steeling herself to become the perfect actress and pay attention to Artie.

_**Say nighty night and kiss me  
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me  
Why I'm lonely and blue as can be  
Dream a little dream of me**_

She watched as Mike and Tina danced around the stage, waiting until the song was over so she could rush out of there. She didn't want to be near anyone any longer. She felt like everything was suffocating her.

_**Dream a little dream of me**_

And then it was over. Rachel was done. Getting up from her stool, she didn't bother to see if Mr. Shue was going to say anything before leaving. She didn't care anymore. She couldn't be there to let them see her cry. Bee-lining for the bathroom, she quickly lost it, crying her eyes out and losing any food she tried to keep down in her stomach. She cried about her everything; her dreams, about her mother, her cancer, her hopes and her friends. She cried for glee club, her dads, her pain and her man. She didn't want to do this anymore yet it was still just beginning.

Pulling it together when she heard the girl's bathroom door swing open. She wiped her mouth and then her eyes and waited for a second before flushing the toilet and coming out of the stall.

"Are you okay?" Jesse wondered appearing to wait before her.

"I'm fine," Rachel said clearly nasally after she had been crying. Jesse felt horrible for putting her through this and cursed Shelby Corcoran in his head for ruling his brain.

"Why are you here Jesse?" she wondered breaking his line of thoughts. After rinsing her mouth and washing her face, she looked to him, trying to understand why he was still standing in the girl's bathroom.

"You ran out of there pretty fast. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Well now you can see for yourself I'm fine. I just…– I-I had to go to the bathroom really bad," she lied. It was terrible one, completely fake and Jesse could see right through it.

"Come on, I'll drive you home."

"I'd rather walk," she said staying back from his arms. She didn't want to talk about her mother's tape that he had her listen to or the way she was about ready to cry again. She hugged herself together, hoping she wouldn't fall apart.

"Rachel, you live almost 5 miles from here," he stated thinking she was bring ridiculous. "I'm not letting you walk home."

"Jesse…"

"No," he cut her off stubbornly. "I'm not leaving here until you get in my car. I know you're upset about your mom – about that tape. Is that why you've been trying to avoid me all day?"

"I-I don't know what you're talking about," she stated moving backwards as he did forwards.

"Right, and that's why you won't even let me touch you," he said calling out their motions. Rachel stopped and Jesse came closer slowly. "I just wanted to help you." _And finish what Shelby wanted me to start,_ he thought.

"I know you did," she said softly, feeling uncomfortable with their proximity. She couldn't stand to be closer to him – to love him and to want to hug him. Her dreams and her problems weren't just about her mother, rather about her friends, her fathers and him. How was she going to ever leave him one day?

She opened her mouth, stuttering like an open mouth fish terribly, unsure of what to say. He kept running a hand through her hair and getting her to relax. He wanted to make this better, to help her through the pain.

"I-I-I-…" Her eyes closed at his motions and she felt him pull her closer to him. When her cheek hit his strong chest and felt his heart beat against her skin, she let it all out and began to cry.

_I'm so sorry Rachel,_ was what he wanted to say to her as he held her_. I'm so sorry I did this to you._ Not saying a word though, Jesse St. James held her until she felt more composed, he took his leave outside the bathroom door to wait for her while she cleaned herself up and drove her home.

* * *

That night Rachel stayed home, enjoying a night with her parents. It was more normal than most and she felt grateful for it. She had thought about going to Sean's, but decided against it after getting sick after dinner. She talked to Jesse earlier, listening when he said he would be missing tomorrow so she could get some space. Really though, he needed to get his things from McKinley High so he could go back to Vocal Adrenaline, but he didn't want her to know that. He thought that him leaving right now as best for her, that she needed space and to heal after what he had done. He was saying his goodbyes in his one little way, trying to them into distance. She had told him again that she wasn't mad for having her listen the tape. It was brave of him, but he convinced her enough so that she agreed it would be for the best. Rachel had to admit to herself, right now she had a lot to think about – although he didn't know just how much and maybe a day apart could do a lot.

"You okay sweetie?" LeRoy asked his daughter as the two of them were curled up on the couch waiting for Hiram to bring more popcorn for their movie.

"Yeah," she responded in a small voice with her knees curled up against her chest. Feeling a blanket wrap around her, she smiled up at her daddy who came back with the popcorn and a blanket for her. Together they all watched a movie and fell asleep.

* * *

Gaga. When Rachel found out Vocal Adrenaline was possibly going to be doing Lady Gaga number as a part of their set list for Regionals, she knew Glee Club was in trouble. They were doing an icon – not just for her passion but also for her power! She had pushed away any sick feeling left in her body after the early morning chemo and announced her serious findings to the team. Only a few could understand the ordeal they were now in. Both Kurt and Mercedes gave gasps and a translation, saying their path to Regionals was now going to become a lost hope. If VA was doing Lady Gaga, it was all over.

So Mr. Shue spun the drama his way into the week's assignment, bringing a few of them together. "You think they can see us?" Mercedes asked when they snuck into Carmel's auditorium. A few of them had snuck into VA's rehearsal to see just exactly what they were doing.

"If they catch us are we going to have to go to jail?" Quinn whispered.

"Stealing their ideas is not a crime," Rachel whispered back in reply. And so Mercedes picked them a spot to watch them from. Listening as Ms. Corcoran counted their dance, Rachel had to admit they were great. One person in the red lace center stage had looked a lot Jesse – with its similar build and figure, but she couldn't believe it was possible due to his enrollment at McKinley High. _I just miss him too much._

Rachel's thoughts were interrupted when she heard the disappointment come from the VA's coach. She began to scold them and told them they needed to do better. She had to show them all up and prove her example, so with that Ms. Corcoran began to sing.

"_**Funny  
Did you hear that?  
Funny**_

Her voice was unbelievable, perfect and familiar. It was something Rachel had heard before. Her pitch, her range and her tone all matched that voice in her head – the one that played on the tape and drifted her off into sleepless nights. It was her mom. Ms. Corcoran was her mom. Rachel sat there in disbelief, her breath taken away from her and unable to process the new information given to her. It was her mom. This. This woman was her mom!

_**Yeah, the guy said 'Honey  
you're a funny girl  
that's me, I just keep them in stitches  
Doubled in half  
And although I may be  
All wrong for the guy  
I'm good for a laugh  
I guess its not funny**_

As Ms. Corcoran continued to sing, Rachel felt even more compelled. It was like her voice had wrapped around her and began tugging her towards the stage – towards her. Getting up from her chair and walking down the auditorium stairs, Rachel moved closer and closer into view. She was lost.

_**Life is far from sunny  
When the laugh is over**_

"Where are you going?" Mercedes asked.

_**and the jokes on you**_

"Get back here!" Quinn commanded to her in a loud whisper.

_**A girl out to have a sense of humor  
That's one thing you really need for sure  
Well you'll a funny girl**_

Rachel couldn't seem to respond though. Her mind and body became two different things. She moved closer and closer to her mom, unable to believe that this was her. After all this time, Ms. Corcoran was here. She was her mom.

_**The fella said 'A funny girl'  
Funny how it ain't so funny  
Funny girl."**_

The performance was coming to an end and so were the stairs. "Ms. Corcoran," Rachel said with a pause. She had captured the Vocal Adrenaline coach's attention. She could still leave now, she didn't know who she was. "I'm Rachel Berry." Or now she did. What should she now? How could say anything now? "I'm your daughter."

* * *

Ms. Corcoran quickly dismissed her students, while both Quinn and Mercedes left too. Only one lingered by when the two women sat in two different rows by themselves in the auditorium. He had been off stage behind the curtains, only hearing them if everything was completely silent and still. Neither of them moved to look at each other, rather they just sat there facing ahead and spoke like secret strangers.

"Did you ever regret it?" Rachel asked hesitantly, afraid of what she might hear.

"Yes. Then no. Then so much," she replied. Each change in answer made her heart jump. So much? So much was good wasn't it?

"When did you realize it was the right time for me to find you?"

She chuckled. "I saw you sing at Sectionals. You were extraordinary. You were me."

"Was it hard for you not to become a star? To not have your dreams come true?" Rachel wondered. She had thought so much about her dreams and felt guilty that maybe she possibly got in the way of those. She asked the hard question, for a straight up answer. She wanted to know more than just if it was little baby Rachel Berry's fault, but also what it was like to have your dreams never come true.

"It felt like a broken promise," Ms. Corcoran answered, making Rachel inhale deeply. "Like the Fisher King's wound that never heals."

"Wow," Rachel said with her eyebrows raised. That was either painstakingly true or very nicely put in a dramatic way. She wanted to announce how dramatic everything was. The way they were sitting and the way that she phrased her words, but she didn't. Instead silence filled them until her mom said, "I've missed so much," in a heartbreaking tone.

The listener left then. He was unable to eavesdrop on more. Shelby had gotten what she wanted and for the most part Rachel was okay. He could move on now, now that everyone had peace. He would be fine that he didn't quite have all of his yet, but he would come back into Rachel Berry's life when the time was right and sweep her off her feet.

"How do you feel?" Ms. Corcoran asked, waiting for the honest truth. This is not how she pictured talking and meeting her daughter.

"Thirsty," she replied trying to think of some happier things. The confusion was on her mom's face, unable to follow. "When I was little and I used to sad," Rachel explained turning to her mom. "My dads would bring me a glass of water. When I was sad. It got so that I couldn't tell if I was sad or just…thirsty."

Her mom's eyes teared up, while she sat back in her seat. She looked at Rachel who was looking back at her, waiting and hoping she would say something. "Uh… I shouldn't have done this. Th-this is supposed to feel good," she said getting up from her seat with her bag. "We're supposed to have some kind of slow motion run into each other's arms. This is all wrong."

"Maybe we can just go to dinner or something?" Rachel suggested in hope, not wanting to let go of her mom yet. The relationship had barely begun. "Just to get over the initial shock."

Ms. Corcoran stared at her, stared with longing and guiltily. "I'm so sorry Rachel," she spoke slowly breaking her daughters heart. And there was the rejection. The rejection Rachel was afraid of. "Uh…I-…I'll call you" she was frazzled and hurried out of the room away from her.

Rachel crushed and broken, slid down in her seat, not bothering to watch her mother leave. She heard the door close and felt a tear drop on her cheek when she shut her eyes. She knew this had all been a bad idea.

* * *

She walked into glee class late after a horrible day. She had chemo in the morning and couldn't stop throwing up, and then had to find something to express her Lady Gaga side. Since her dads couldn't sew and she exactly have a mother to go to right now, she did something all on her own.

"Miss Corcoran, she's Rachel's mom," Rachel heard them announce the news in the choir room before she walked in. Hiding, Rachel listened from the doorway to see what they all had to say about it. Of course Mercedes would spill the beans like it was some great new piece of gossip. They didn't even know what her mom said or did after they left and she walked home.

"Are you serious?" Mr. Shuester asked eating up the gossip.

"Way to bury the lead Mercedes," Artie stated.

"We're screwed," Puck said right after, speaking out loud what was going through everyone else's mind. "Rachel's going to jump ship over to Vocal Adrenaline."

"Never," she stated coming in. There was no use pretending she wasn't listening. She didn't want that to be another thing she had to add to her acting plate. "I really don't want to talk about it though. I'm still processing the news," she told everyone as she walked in with her helpless.

She felt ugly and worn down. The stupid outfit with stuffed animals stapled on her clothes was no use. "All I know is that I'm not going anywhere…and I've chosen a Lady Gaga outfit that expresses a longing for a childhood I was deprived of."

And that was not just form her mother but her leukemia.

They teased her about her outfit, especially when one fell off the outfit. She felt like she wanted to cry, but she also felt too tired to shed a tear. Her treatments had been taking a lot out of her, and so had the drama.

"Guys, how about we worry about this later and try to focus on the song?" Mr. Shuester said trying to help the situation.

"Couldn't agree more," she said trying to gather up as much energy as she possibly could for her performance.

Everyone had decided to wear their outfits the entire week while they did Lady Gaga. It was kind of like an honor to her and her music. Unfortunately for Rachel though, this was terrible. She was barely able to keep all of the animals on her costume and now she had to wear it the entire week? Taking her situation in her own hands, she stopped by Carmel after school again. This time she wasn't there to spy on the opposing team, rather to get some help from her mom.

Wearing her winter coat, Rachel waited until VA all took five to announce her presence.

"Mom?" Rachel asked hesitantly as she stepped forward.

Shelby looked back, giving a displeased sigh as she leaned against her chair. "Hon, you gotta stop sneaking into these rehearsals." Her tone carried a gentle scold. Although they may have been mother and daughter, they were still competition.

"It's kind of important," she said shyly, now unsure if this was right. Unbuttoning her coat and revealing her costume, she heard her mom give an "oh dear god" before feeling her cheeks heat up.

"My dads can't sew. I really need a mom right now. Think you can help?"

Shelby looked over the outfit one more time before nodding. Maybe this was her chance to be a real mom to Rachel. To create memories of her own.

Rachel came back to Glee with a hot new outfit. Her mom had taken her measurements, used some spare fabric from her house and taught her a thing or two about sewing. Rachel was able to learn on how to use a pattern and features to a sewing machine.

"Thank you," she remembered telling her mom and giving her a hug before leaving her place with her brand new outfit. Tomorrow would be a brand new day.

Although Rachel had more chemo to go through during the day, it stop her from feeling better with her new outfit. What her mom and her made was sleek and cool and for once, she felt good wearing it. "Looking good girl," Mercedes complimented when she arrived into the auditorium to watch the guys perform.

"Thank you, my mom helped me make it." Rachel felt proud and considerably hot wearing such an outfit. It fit her perfectly and seemed to go well with the club members. Maybe things were turning up for her and her mom.

Mr. Shue had a troubled look on his face and diverted their attention to the guys. they all watched as they all performed a KISS number, which turned out to be pretty impressive. The boys did a really good job, singing, dancing and putting on makeup. Mr. Shuester had been proud, along with Rachel was proud of them. She was proud of how far they had all come; from dressing up to dressing down, make up or none. They had come so far, as friends and even a family all due to everyone's hard work, not just her own.

Rachel was mad at Mr. Shuester the next day. She was going to walk into his office and tell him the truth about her being sick after she got back from the doctors but when she saw him in there with her mom, she stopped to eavesdrop.

"You're not prepared to have a teenage daughter. Are you?" he questioned to her mom.

Shelby looked up to the ceiling with tears in her eyes. _How dare him!_ Rachel thought.

"I can't have any more kids. There were issues a few years back and then some surgeries and that's that." Miss. Corcoran explained to Will. "I really wanted a daughter." There was a pause of silence and Rachel saw the two of them look at each other. "That's why it was so important to me to make that bond with her." Rachel paused at her mom's words, feeling sad for her and tiny warmth to her heart. So maybe the distance was because of that – because her mom was still adjusting. "But you're right. I wanted my baby back. Rachel's an adult now, she doesn't need me."

_No, I do,_ Rachel wanted to cry out and burst into Mr. Shue's office to exclaim. She needed her mom, especially now in a scary time like this.

"Shelby, I can't tell you what to do…but if you really love her you have to tell her what you just told me," Will stated. He thought he was doing what was best for Rachel, to confront her mom and tell her the truth.

I hate you Mr. Shue, Rachel thought to herself with tears running down her cheeks. I hate you.

Rachel had walked into Sue Sylvester's office and waited to be seen.

"What can I do for you Rachel?" Sue asked her when the girl sat down. With tears in her eyes, Rachel looked at her hands. "I just wanted to tell you I'm skipping the rest of the day. Not for chemo but…I just need to."

"Are you sick?" she wondered.

"No," Rachel admitted, finding today was the first day in fact she had not thrown up, although right now she wanted to.

"I overheard something today. Something that changes things and I think its best I leave to deal with the aftermath."

Sue looked at her waiting for the teen to explain. It didn't take long in the silence for Rachel to break down. She took one look at Sue and lost her willpower.

"I hate him right now," Rachel cried. "I trusted Mr. Shue and thought he was my friend. I looked up for him and thought he was doing the best for me…for the whole club. But instead he goes behind my back and convinces my mom she shouldn't be in my life!"

"He did what?" Sue asked shocked. She was angry with Will Shuester, doing such a thing. What business did he have?

"I know she's competition," Rachel said calming down, "and I know our relationship wont be like every other mother and daughters, but I just thought…I thought we were getting somewhere with this. She helped me with my Gaga outfit and taught me how to sew. Why did he have to do this?"

"Rachel," Sue sighed when the high schooler got upset again. "I can't tell you what go through Will Shuester's mind. Half of the time I think he's crazy, but he's got a good heart." Sue saw something in Rachel's eyes. "Do you think he had a point?"

"Probably," Rachel sniffled back. "He probably wanted to make sure that Shelby wasn't going to hurt me – that she was in it for good and didn't back out."

"Rejection hurts," Sue said knowing all about it. Rachel wasn't able to say anything except nod. "Thank you," she said softly to the coach.

"You're welcome," Sue replied watching the star compose herself. "If you still feel the need to skip, go head, just get whatever work you need done."

"No," Rachel replied getting up with a sad smile. "I'm okay now."

When she got home, she didn't bother telling her parents what had happened. Gaga week was over now and so were her feelings. Lying in bed, she grabbed her phone and texted Jesse. She thought he was giving her a day of space, not a whole week. **Where have you been? Are you okay?**

She waited for a while to hear a response but never got one. Sighing, she sent a quick **I miss you** text and set her phone back down, tucking herself into bed. Maybe he would come back tomorrow.

* * *

He didn't show. Jesse St. James was not to be found. She didn't know where he was, if he was okay, or what he was doing. It worried Rachel. Usually they talked every day – except that time during spring break of course. She thought about asking her mom to see if she had any idea of how to reach him to make sure he was okay but she thought against it. That probably wasn't the best idea since she knew about the conversation between her and Mr. Shue.

She stood at the piano for a while wondering what to do. Jesse was watching the fret on her face because couldn't stay away. After he had cleared out his locker and turned in his papers to the principal earlier in the week, Sue asked him a question that he didn't think she would ask.

"Does she know?"

Three simple words, words that he should have brushed off, but they haunted him. They brought up memories of him and Rachel together, having fun and loving one another. He missed her during the whole week he had returned back to Vocal Adrenaline. He was glad that she didn't see him when she stopped by but at the same time wished she knew. No one had power or talent like she did. When he had received her worried text and the 'I miss you' one too, he lost it. He had so badly wanted to reply with an explanation but knew she deserved more. It landed him here, in the auditorium watching her. He was trying to grow a pair and march over to her, telling her the truth of the horrible things he had done.

"Rachel," Shelby said walking to her daughter on stage in the McKinley auditorium before he could. She looked surprised, Jesse noted. He could tell although her mind filled with worry for him, it also worried about other things like her Lady Gaga song.

Rachel's attention was immediate captured by the tone of Shelby's voice. The pit in her stomach grew and she knew this was it. This was the end. When she looked up to her mom's face it was confirmed. This was their goodbye and so called happy ending.

"How did you get the name 'Rachel?" Shelby asked starting off slow.

"My dads were big Friends fans," she replied, staring at her and wishing she would just rip the band aid off already.

"I know why you're here," she said when the silence became too much for her. She couldn't take her mom, the coach of Vocal Adrenaline, just staring at her and memorizing her face like it was their last time together.

"I really wanted this to work," Shelby said with sincere eyes. It was an automatic gesture, an in believable one that Rachel did to understand. She held her lips together to stop the cry and nodded.

"You know what really turned me?" Shelby asked, leaning closer over to the piano to try to convey some understandment to her daughter's eyes. "That story," she said, "that you told me about your dads and how they'd bring you water when you were sad." _So it wasn't Mr. Shue_, Rachel thought. "We're never going to have anything like that. It's too late for us."

The rejection in the words was so powerful, Rachel wondered to herself how she was still standing. "I just think that anything we share right now is going to be confusing right now.

"I-I just don't understand," Rachel said with her voice quivering. "You're my mom. I feel awful right now. I want to just fall into your arms, having you rock me and telling me everything is going to be fine but..."

"It's because I'm your mother Rachel, I'm not your mom," Shelby clarified, knowing her daughter was slowly grasping it. She wasn't trying to put the competition between them or to tell her they could never be mother or offspring, rather it was just that they couldn't have the relationship either of them wanted so badly.

They sorted out other left over questions, like what they were going to do now since they were still competition with each other, and her mom gave her a cup – to use when she was thirsty. It was a dramatic parting, one that was more than what Rachel Berry could handle. When her mom asked for a hug goodbye, she stood there thinking she didn't know if she could give her one. The embrace would be her first and last; her thin frame around her own and her mom's shoulder only being laid upon once to almost cry on. She squeezed her eyes tightly, not wanting to say goodbye. Not yet. Was this what it was going to be like when she had to say goodbye to everyone else?

Inside she was falling apart. There were so many things she wanted to know and to share. Her mom didn't know anything about her or what was going to happen. Here and now was everything Rachel should have been thinking about, but instead it was about how she would probably never have a moment like this with her again.

She let go of her mom, who patted her hair when they let go and asked for one more favor.

_Please, you're killing me_, Rachel thought to herself when she nodded.

"Sometime when you're thirsty, can you get yourself some water from this cup?" Life was giving her all of these false hopes only to take things away. The cup that Miss Shelby Corcoran was holding in her hands was a glass with a nice big gold star on it. "Gold stars are kind of my thing," her mom revealed. Taking the cup in her hand, she felt the weight of it, just like her heart. "Of course," she promised. The only good thing left going for her in her life was Jesse and he was nowhere to be found. Where was the stability in her life anymore? Was she meant to drop to the floor and go crazy?

Checking in her own favor, Rachel asked for them to sing together. She picked out 'Poker Face' to end her own Gaga week and together they slowed it down to make it their own.

To Jesse, it was beautiful. Their voices together were amazing – so similar yet so different. They had read each other perfectly, knowing how to slow down the song without even having to talk about it. He watched as the two of them had fun one last time and sing together. They had smiles on their face that he knew were going to disappear soon, as the song was running out of verses. And that was it. Shelby said goodbye to her daughter and left Rachel to stand at the piano and cry.

He was proud of his Berry. Although he had the perfect opportunity to ball her eyes out and throw things, she didn't. She shed a few tears and then went on. She curled her hair behind her ear like she did often, and gathered her things to go to class. He didn't get his chance to come out of the shadows and hug her, but did decide to text her.

**I miss you too.**

* * *

**A/N: Review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I loved all the reviews! Thank you all so so much! Many have you been asking if Rachel will live or die and that's up to all of you. I'm in the process of writing more so you tell me! Should she live or die? I need to know! Read on!**

* * *

It was time for Vocal Adrenaline to funkify the opposing teams. Jesse had put it off for too long. When his teammates saw in online chat rooms that people have been thinking VA has gone back a step, they knew something had to be done. First stop was New Directions. Vocal Adrenaline was about to psyche them out by singing 'Another One Bites The Dust'. Now that he was apart of the team again, he had to prove his devotions. He wished he didn't have to do such a thing. He had just put Rachel through the wringer by getting her to meet Shelby and now she was going to have to face this.

_I'm sorry Rachel_

"Rachel, find everyone else and tell them to meet us in the auditorium now!" Mr. Shue commanded, rushing off from the choir room. She was the first one there of course, having come back from chemo early. Startled, Rachel moved into action, rounding up everyone she could. She went from hall to hall, thankfully finding her last batch of members to the club before having to go into classrooms.

"You guys have to come to the auditorium, it's an emergency!" Rachel declared. Telling her teammates on the way what happened to her earlier, they all buzzed with curiosity. They walked into the room, where the rest of her teammates were waiting and staring at the people on stage. Vocal Adrenaline…with Jesse. Wait. What? Was that Jesse up there?

_No it couldn't be,_ Rachel thought to herself as she walked in further. Jesse would never betray them like that. He would never betray her like that. Mr. Shue faced the opposing team looking crushed. It was true.

"Jesse?" she asked helplessly puzzled. Jesse made his way through his teammates and stood there in front of everyone. "What are you doing up there with them?"

Jesse put on his best acting face, trying to be that cocky boy Rachel sometimes couldn't stand. It was his only defense now, knowing that she would be too distracted by his presence and words to see he was faking it. "I've transferred back to Carmel High Rachel. I'm sorry that its come to this, but you guys were awful to me." _lie_. "You never accepted me," _lie_. "And you never listened to my clearly superior ideas." _Another lie_. They did listen in fact, or rather, they argued. It was something that Jesse actually loved because he always proved a point, even when some of the others came up with some great ones. He wanted to give her the closure he needed and he stood there for a second longer, looking at her innocent face before he was about to perform.

Jesse sang with so much force and energy he knew everyone was proud, but the release he was getting from it wasn't of endorphins. He felt his stomach twisting in knots with every verse and look to her. The way his partner Giselle was touching him, acting all seductive like she was him made him want to run straight into Rachel's arms. After they finished and Giselle some nasty comment about their auditorium, he gave her a glare that came off like a smirk, and he turned back to his old team.

_I'm sorry,_ he tried to convey to her as he stood there gathering a breath. _I'm so terribly sorry. _He bit his tongue to stop from saying how horrible he felt for doing that to them and everything he had done was because VA told him too. But he didn't he stared at Rachel, thought about how meeting her was all just a job, and left.

The New Direction glee clubbers were shocked. They were thrown off by the way Jesse had left and felt like they wouldn't stand a chance come Regionals. Rachel, well Rachel just didn't have anything to say. She felt empty and sick. Instead of going back to the choir room with them, she stopped by the bathroom to throw up. How could he do this to her? How could he go back to Carmel? Didn't he know he took her heart with him?

To top it all off, when Rachel came back into the room, she saw it had been tee-peed. Everyone had already started to pick up the rolls of wasted toilet paper and then had a painful visit from Sue Sylvester. "I gave them all keys," Sue told them. "I helped them do a sound check over the weekend."

The hurt look on Rachel's face had Sue faltering, but the two of them knew, when they weren't in her office, it was just like normal. On some level Rachel appreciated that. She felt like Sue had been the only one to keep her sane now. Jesse was gone. Her mom was gone. Her life was practically gone. A dose of Sue Sylvester was surprisingly what Rachel needed.

"It was a perfect play," She told Sue when she came into her office after glee club was over.

"I'm sorry that he hurt you," Sue said to her. The pain in Rachel's eyes was obvious and Sue hated that stupid boy's brains.

"He was smart – they all were. They figured to ruin our chance at Regionals all they would have to do was to crush the lead girl's heart. It was well played."

They sat in silence for a second and Rachel tried her hardest not to cry. "I just don't understand why I couldn't have seen it. I should have, I mean he was competition!"

"He fooled us all Rachel," Sue said in a caring tone. "Even me. Trust me, if I would have known, I would have bribed Figgins to never let him come here – correct paperwork or none."

"Thank you," Rachel sniffled. She looked up to Ms. Sylvester and smiled. "not only for keeping your promise but for this. It helps."

"You're welcome," she replied sitting back in her chair. "I wont be principal for much longer just so you know. Figgins is coming back after feeling better from a long case of the flu. But that doesn't mean you can't stop by my office if you ever need to talk. The same rules will apply."

Change. It was happening again. "Thanks," Rachel replied again, nodding her head and getting up.

"How is chemo going?" Sue wondered when the high schooler walked to the door.

"I'm unresponsive," she reported. "So far, my chances aren't looking too good." And then she left, letting Sue sit there to wait for it to all sink in.

* * *

**Meet me in the parking lot**, was the text she got from Jesse's phone after she left Sue's office.

_I knew it!_ Rachel thought, happy that it wasn't true. Rushing out of the school she went to the car lot and found Jesse standing there, waving for her.

_No, don't come any closer Rachel,_ he thought to himself.

_No,_ he thought when she smiled at him.

And then it began. She ran like those dramatic slow motion scenes in movies, smiling because she thought she saw the real him – that he didn't change.

He smiled then too, seeing how beautiful she looked, with her hair flying through the sun. But then the egg hit and his smile dropped.

She stood there puzzled and frozen, unsure of what was happening. An egg to the head, to the chest, to the legs. His team had gotten her everywhere, everywhere except her face. She ducked as best as she could, holding herself together mentally by her hands. This wasn't happening. No this wasn't happening to her.

Each crack of the egg, each drip of the yolk, the two of them jumped and winced together.

"I hear you're a vegan Berry," Giselle said with a laugh as she teased Rachel. Jesse wanted to punch Giselle for the tone of voice she was using. "The souls of those poor egg fetuses are all on your conscious now."

The look on Rachel's face was full of torment. It just went to show how deep she cared about things, not just people. Jesse was struggling with the pain they were putting her through. He couldn't stand to watch this and be apart of this. Trying not to look heartbroken he stared at her, hoping maybe he could just focus on her. Maybe his teammates would let her salvage a piece of herself.

"Do it Jesse," Giselle commanded, making him look at her. Raising the hand with his own egg in it, he stared at it, glaring at the thing wondering why he couldn't make it disappear.

"Are you with us or not?" she questioned. It was a phrase in which gave Jesse an out. He could still redeem himself and get forgiveness from Rachel. He knew now, not for a long time, would she ever accept his apology from her. Their actions of egging her had hurt her too much. She looked to be in too much pain to keep suffering.

Silently he looked up from the egg and walked towards her. What could he do? What _**should**_ he do? The love – of what he thought – his life was standing in front of him with a cracked egg on her head waiting to see what he was about to decide to do next.

Looking into his eyes, she saw a mask. A mask of his pain yet showed his determination. He wanted to win – he always wanted to win. He grew up to be a star, a champion just like her. Nothing should stop him; nothing about him could change. But could she?

"Do it," she said making the hard decision for him. Nodding again, she repeated, "Do it." And in that second she stunned him. He wanted to question if she was serious, if she actually could let him do this to her.

"Break it like you broke my heart," she told him with her own determination. So then he knew it was over. He couldn't go back now, at least not to her. He had hurt her too badly, scarred her to deeply. I'm sorry, he wanted to tell her again, but instead he said, "I loved you," and cracked the egg against her forehead, trying to take the shell bits away from most of her face when he stood there watching as it trickled down.

_What have I done?_ He thought when he heard his teammates laughing and saw her strong façade cracking with tears building in her eyes while the egg yolk dripped. Walking away as fast yet normally as he could, he got into his car and sat there for a second before taking off.

* * *

She went to Sean's after that. She had walked back into school and changed into the extra clothes she brought if she was ever slushied. She had tried her hardest not to cry while alone in the bathroom, but when she started washing her hair and plucking the large chunks of eggshells off her head, she burst into tears once again.

She had loved him so damn much. She had tried to give him everything – to open up her heart to him and give him her love. She had brought him into her life, let him push her and pull her until she couldn't stand it. And although he somehow loved her back their love just wasn't enough. Its what crushed her soul.

He had chosen them and not her. Even when she had tried her best to put him and their relationship above the team – something she was so unused to, he chose them.

"Rachel" Sean's mom greeted with a smile. Giving her the cue to go on back, she walked into Sean's room and cried. She couldn't even speak a word before going over to sit with him and cry.

Everything in her life had now fallen apart. She was losing everything she deemed necessary and important to her in a time that she needed most. How was this happening to her?

"Did you tell Finn? Or the rest of the Glee Club?" Sean asked after she had calmed down and told him the story.

"No," her voice cracked.

"Maybe you should."

"It hurts too much," she replied sniffling again.

"I wish I could take the pain away."

She let out a laugh, finding that phrase a bit too dramatic for his taste. "Thank you."

It was on purpose, she could tell – to cheer her up.

"Anytime."

They sang together again, this time a soft ballad, more for her and her heart. They talked for as long as they could until his mom came back into the room and she left feeling more peace once again.

She told the glee club what happened to her the next day. It surprisingly made everyone mad. Puck was the first one to stand up and say it was bull. He grabbed the guys as back up to go with him and take on the whole VA club, including Jesse (-especially him).

"Guys, violence is never the answer," Mr. Shuester said trying to calm things down. Rachel silently agreed, starting to stand up and bring the men back here. Although she wanted justice, she didn't want anyone getting hurt and that included Jesse.

"Mr. Shue, Rachel's one of us," Kurt said, making Rachel's heart soar. She stood there frozen, unbelieved at what she was hearing. _Did he mean that?_ "We're the only ones that get to humiliate her."

"Stop!" Mr. Shue yelled when everyone else but her and Mr. Sue agreed to that. "Come back here and sit down!"

Mr. Shue explained to them that there were other ways of getting their point across and hurting them like they did her. He wasn't talking blackmail or stooping to what Jesse did, rather a nice old fashion face off.

"Rachel, do you still have Jesse's number? Call him up," she told him. It was time for a show down.

* * *

When Rachel's name flashed across his phone that evening, he raced to pick it up. He couldn't believe she would be calling him – maybe asking for a better explanation. If so, he was willing to give her one that he was going to tell the truth to. The slate needed to be wiped clean and he needed to tell her what happened.

"Jesse St. James? Will Shuester here," the voice said when Jesse picked up.

Fuck!

"You and Vocal Adrenaline need to meet at our auditorium, Friday at 3:00 sharp."

He didn't even get to respond – to ask if he could put Rachel on the line. Jesse had wanted so badly to apologize but instead let things run the way they were and went to tell his team the news.

* * *

"Thanks for coming," Rachel said acknowledging their whole team with her green coat and short shorts on the auditorium stage while keeping a hand on her hip. Was she intentionally wearing those short shorts for payback? Jesse wondered. Because those and that attitude of hers was working.

"After your brazen escalation of our growing dispute, which we were willing to put to rest, we decided the only way to truly funkify you is to show you the one thing you can't do." Jesse looked to his teammates, trying to be all cocky, thinking that was something they couldn't do.

"So enjoy," Rachel stated with a bite in her words, meant directly for Jesse.

_**Roof off  
We're gunna tear the roof off the mother sucker  
Tear the roof off the sucker,  
Tear the roof off,  
We're gunna tear the roof off the mother sucker  
Tear the roof off the sucker,**_

_**You've gotta real type of thing  
going down, gettin' down  
There's a whole lot of rhythm going round  
Going round**_

_**You've gotta real type of thing  
going down, gettin' down  
There's a whole lot of rhythm going round  
Going round**_

Suddenly Jesse knew exactly what they were doing. And they were proud of them. Proud for standing them up and using their weakness.

_**Ow, we want the funk, give up the funk**_

He watched as Rachel sang and showed off her amazing legs in those shorts. The entire Glee club was up there singing, smiling at having fun. He missed doing that with them – having fun. Jesse bowed his head and realized that this is what he had lost – what he had given up to be apart of Vocal Adrenaline. He now had to watch.

Studying how her body moved and how her dance partner complimented her as she carried herself, Jesse was jealous and he quickly looked at his other team members to make sure they hadn't been observing him. Oh how he just wanted to get up there and sweep her away from that number, only to kiss her senseless and then apologize.

The way she was performing on stage had him thinking and wishing. He didn't want their relationship to end this way. He didn't want her to be bitter. Watching and listening to the song speed up and Rachel coming down their little bridge, he moved in his seat uncomfortably, unable to handle the guilt that was overcoming him.

"See you punks at Regionals."

"They did a funk number," Jesse tried not to grit out to his team. Now they were the ones who were toast. "We've never been able to pull off a funk number"

"Well that's because we're soulless automatons," Giselle replied and Jesse realized how right she was.

* * *

For the next week, glee practice was stressed as vital. Regional were approaching Saturday and everyone was stressed getting ready for them. Things had to be perfect; they had to be epic so they could win. For Rachel though, it was more of a problem.

She was getting sicker, more tired. As they tried different ways of treatment to slow down her progressing leukemia she found she had less and less energy. She had been trying to hide her sickness now for as long as she could, giving lame excuses saying that she needed to focus on the numbers and maybe others should share the spotlight with her. It raised questions that were for sure but Rachel wanted many things. For one, she wanted less stress. She couldn't take it much longer and her doctor even said that. Secondly, she wanted glee to be prepared for a time without her. There were other stars in the room, she painfully realized and soon they would need to shine bright.

"Okay, what is going on," Kurt asked her one day at her locker. She was looking more frail and tired than usual. Rachel Berry, he knew was never like this – especially with Regionals coming around.

"Where are the animal sweaters? Where is the spirit and the energy? The yelling for us to all get our butt in gear and push till we fall apart?"

Rachel sighed tiredly and leaned against her locker. "Most of my clothes remind me of Jesse," she said truthfully, dropping most of her animal printed things for larger clothes. It helped her hide how skinny she was becoming since she barely ate anymore. "As for everything else, I'm just tired Kurt. We are all doing great. I don't think I can say much of anything with Mr. Shuester having it under control."

"Mr. Shue having it under control?" Kurt exclaimed, following her in the hallway to her next class. "Please tell me the Rachel Berry did not just say that."

She turned to him in the middle of the hallway. "What do you want me to say Kurt?" she sounded exasperated and it stunned Kurt.

"Wow, he did some number on ya, huh?"

"Its not just Jesse," Rachel muttered.

"Then tell me what's happening," Kurt said halting her by the shoulder so she couldn't run away. She gave a small wince, causing him to question what was going on. Now that she was going through all of these treatments, she was learning how easily she bruised. A few days ago someone had rammed into shoulder in the halls causing her to drop her books and leave a nice bruise on her shoulder.

"What happened there?" he asked going to move her sweater away.

"Nothing, just glee practice," she said lying. "You know how Finn can be with his dance moves. War wounds I like to call them," she babbled. When she still noticed Kurt looking at her funny, she sighed. "Look I'm fine and I have to go. Stop worrying so much. Maybe Regionals aren't everything." As soon as she said it, she knew she ruined everything. Rachel Berry would never say that – the old Rachel Berry at least.

Running away, she let Kurt do his own investigative mission, knowing sooner or later the team would find out her secret.

* * *

Recon. It's what Kurt did for the next two days on Rachel Berry. For a day or two he wanted to grab Finn and Puck to go over to Carmel and beat up Jesse St. James, but instead he held back. He watched her instead, observing how broken she had become since the Funk performance. She had become more weak and thin. She always looked tired and missed a lot of math. He wasn't sure what was going on, but he wanted to get to the bottom of it. He wasn't just worried standing a chance in Regionals, but he actually cared about his friend.

When Rachel had said that not everything was about Regionals, he knew something seriously was wrong. He figured it had a lot to do with St. James – more than she liked to admit because he knew that she really liked him (probably loved him). he hated that. He hated to see her so devastated over a man that didn't deserve her. He felt great pity for her and wished she wasn't so glum. There had to be a way to fix it, and if not then he needed to feel better about things. So he settled on telling the star of VA off himself.

Most of Kurt was afraid of getting beaten up by Jesse's team or worse, get eggs thrown at him like Rachel did and destroying his outfit; but for the sake of his peace of him and the teams future, he had to get answers. Waiting for most of VA to leave, Kurt waited for Jesse to come out. He was the last one, walking sluggish through the parking lot.

"St. James!" Kurt called in anger. Jesse's head turned, surprised to see Kurt Hummel coming towards him.

"Obviously I get that you did what you did to win, and I see how you did it craftily, but I want you to know you wrecked her," he told Jesse. "You destroyed that spirit she had inside of her making her think now she is nothing." He faltered when he saw Jesse's eyes. "I've never seen her so broken up in my life. Almost all of the time she brushes it off or turns it into energy to work harder but now…" Kurt sniffled thinking of just how Rachel looks, "now she's just broken and you did that to her."

He went to walk away, giving the pitiful man one last stare.

"I didn't mean to fall in love with her," Jesse called. "I didn't want to hurt her or egg her like I did. You have to understand Kurt."

"I can't," Kurt, said when he turned around. "But she obviously does. Every time we go to bash you and insult you for what you've done to this team, she sticks up for you. She says it was a lesson learned and you did it to win. She claims she would have done the same – although I don't see it. She was a pawn in your game she claims – and I fully agree with that," he breathed in deeply, getting upset over this, "but I can't see how if you love a person you can do that – you can crush their soul until they are no more. Whatever Rachel's going through, whether it's because of you or something else, you've lost your chance at a second St. James. I hope we crush you. I hope that one day you will feel the pain you have put her through. Because I know that although I haven't been the greatest person or friend to her, she doesn't deserve to be in such pain."

Kurt left then, feeling justified for himself and his team, yet slightly guilty for Jesse. Seeing the look on his face, he truly seemed to be hurt.

When Kurt's car pulled away, Jesse made his way to his Range Rover and pulled out his phone. His thumb hovered over Rachel's name. He wanted to say so many things he just didn't know what he would say if she picked up the phone. Dialing, he waited for it to be picked up.

_Come on Rach,_ he thought.

The ringing stopped and his ear was left with silence. Checking his phone to make sure the line didn't drop he saw he was connected to a call.

"You need to do your best at Regionals Rachel," was the first thing that came out of his mouth. He wanted to hit himself. Really? Out of the million things he could have said, that's what he chose? "Don't go soft because of our relationship."

"Fuck you," she spat over the phone. It blew him away for a second because the Rachel Berry he knew didn't swear like that.

Hearing noise in the background, sounding like a hospital's PA system, he got worried. "Rach…"

"Leave me alone Jesse," were the last words he heard before she hung up.

* * *

"How could you do that?" Rachel yelled at Kurt the next day when texted him to meet her in the choir room during free period

"I don't know what you're talking about," he stated with his arms crossed looking uncomfortable.

"You had no right!"

"I had no right?" he asked insulted while she yelled at him. "Rachel, look at yourself. You look like you're falling apart. Have you bothered to eat lately? Sing? Dance? You've been saying all along that we wont make it to regionals without you and look, regionals are here! We need you – I admit it – so come on!"

"You think this all about Regionals?" Rachel asked appalled. She was so angry with Kurt. She knew the minute Jesse's voice hit her ear that he had said something to Jesse about her state. She didn't need to work harder than she already was. She was working to her full extent. Rachel wasn't even sure why she had picked up Jesse's phone call when she was getting treatment at the hospital. It wasn't like she was hope for the two of them anymore and she was worried that he heard too much and would start raising more questions.

"No! Which is exactly my point!" Kurt yelled back. Now Rachel was confused.

"What is going on with you girl?" he asked in a regular, more caring tone. "You're so different and I thought it was because of Jesse, but as I was laying in bed yesterday, I realized it wasn't just him. There has to be something else."

"You're wrong," she stated with her arms crossed.

"Am I?" he said matching her stance too. "I doubt that."

"You don't know what you're talking about. I'm not just some pawn you guys can use either. I'm not just some star you can use for sectionals or regionals. I am person! I have feelings." She gave a dark laugh with tears in her eyes. "You guys toss me around just like him, acting like I'm some sort of secret weapon. I'm not! I-I may be great at what I love to do but you know I won't always be around! You can't always use me like I'm some tool for much longer!"

He was ready to angrily respond back until he was realizing what was saying. "What?" he asked shocked, tears forming in his eyes. Possibilities were swarming in his head and he hoped she could negate them all. She was leading towards something big, something she kept hidden.

"Nothing," she sighed looking more tired than when she first got here.

Kurt took a step towards her, his heart beating loud in his ears. "Rachel…"

"I'm sick Kurt," she told him with honesty, tears in her eyes too. What he was thinking was true.

"I have leukemia." The breath was forced out of his lungs and he stood there in front of Rachel with a hand over his mouth. No, this poor girl wasn't going through that. Gathering her in a hug, the two of them embraced each other and cried.

"How long?" he asked sniffling.

"Do I have or how long I've kept this from you all?" she asked with a sad laugh.

"Both," he insisted, sitting at the edge of the stage with her next to him.

"A while. I found out that I relapsed when I was sick with laryngitis. As for how long, it's still undetermined. My doctor is still trying out different kinds of treatments, but if I don't respond to any of them soon, most likely 6-8 months."

Kurt gasped again, tears falling down his cheeks as he covered his hand with hers. "Wait," he said thinking about things, "relapsed?"

"I had it as a kid too," she said. "I luckily fought it, but this time its more complicated."

"Why?"

"Well, I don't really understand it all but I think its because its more aggressive. Kids deal with all kinds of things and their immune systems are able to bounce back from it faster. Now that I'm getting older, its just tougher."

"I'm so sorry," he cried, Rachel pulling him to her shoulder. "Its okay."

"I-I just thought I was helping with things. I thought that you were just sulking. Gosh, I could have always been so much nice to you!"

"Do you know when Vocal Adrenaline egged me and you said that I was one of you, that made every trouble we've ever had each other disappear. You care in your own type of way Kurt, I know," she comforted. Together they sat there, closer than they ever had been and cried.

"You can't tell anyone else okay?" Rachel said; wiping the tears from her face when the bell rang for next period rang. "I know it's a huge secret to carry but you need to promise me that you aren't going to tell anyone. I want things to be as normal as long as possible. Plus," she said trying to smile, "you never know, I might have a chance."

Kurt stared at her with those sympthatetic eyes and then debated it for a few seconds.

"Please," she begged dropping the act once again. She was vulnerable.

"Okay," he promised, composing himself too. Jumping down from the stage, he hugged her tightly and then gave a fake smile like her. "Okay."

Rachel made sure to put in the extra-extra effort when she walked into Glee Club that day. She had an extra sense of perkiness (but kept it down enough to seem real like Sean had suggested to her) and made everyone's worry dissolve – except for Kurt of course.

He was quiet during most of Glee while they practiced, watching over Rachel and the rest of the team. He was astounded that they couldn't see it. It was becoming more and more prominent the more the news sank in. She was so skinny, so tired looking, and so vulnerable. Just looking into his eyes made his stomach drop. He could see the depth in them.

"You okay Kurt?" Mr. Shue asked when he saw his student in a daze.

"Oh yeah," he brushed off, blushing and waving off the attention. "Just thinking about how we are going to win Regionals!"

Everyone chuckled and cheered agreeing with that statement while Rachel gave him a thankful stare. She knew exactly what he was thinking – she knew his shock wouldn't wear off for a while, and she never expected it to.

Mr. Shue's puzzlement lingered for a bit, thinking Kurt looked like he was more in pain than happiness. Storing it away though, he focused on getting everyone ready for regionals instead.

The news had become official the next day that Sue Sylvester was going to be judging the regionals competition, everyone including Mr. Shue was unhappy about this. It seemed like there was nothing they could do and to everyone it felt like imminent failure. Not many had hope for winning now that Sue was in power, but a few still hoped – Rachel did. She thought about how nice Coach Sylvester was when she was the fill in principal, and how she still was sometimes to Rachel – at least when she needed to talk. Maybe, just maybe Sue would be on the New Directions side just once.

"Everything still stands!" The glee club heard Principal Figgins say when they were outside trying to eavesdrop on the conversation. It was a good thing that he said it loud because most of the time they couldn't hear anything. "If you all don't win regionals you are done for William. Glee Club will be no more. I'm sorry but we had a deal," he stated. The bell had rung for their next class and the glee clubbers dissipated. _So this was it,_ they all thought.

"We have to do something" Kurt said running up to Rachel. "We can't let this happen."

"What could we possibly do?" she wondered. "I mean as much as I would like to believe Coach Sylvester won't do this to us, we may have to face the fact that she will."

"Rachel" Kurt said gently turning him to face her. "We can't give up hope."

It was a double meaning, Rachel knew and she tried her best not to yell at Kurt for being so obvious with her secret. She knew he was having a tough time hiding it, but she needed him to.

"Okay," she sighed, furrowing her eyebrows to think. Of all those years dreaming about Broadway, she must have something.

"Come on," she said brilliantly and rushed down the halls discussing her plans before glee club could meet third period.

"Mr. Shue, we have a plan!" Kurt said coming with Rachel in tow.

"That's great guys, so do I. Would you take a seat?" Mr. Shue said pointing to the chairs were everyone else was.

Puzzled, the two students went to sit down and saw the words 'JOURNEY' scribbled across the white board.

"Nine months ago there were five of you in here. And we sucked. I mean we really sucked. Bad," he laughed. "One day all of you are going to be gone. And all of you, all of us are going to be nothing but a hazy memory."

Kurt choked, thinking about it in the wrong way. Taking his hand, Rachel gave him a glance while squeezing his hand. She wasn't going anywhere soon…not yet.

"It will take you a second to remember everyone's name," Mr. Shue added, "someone will have to remind you of the songs we sung, the solos you got or didn't."

_What kind of pep talk was this?_ Rachel thought to her teacher. This was no way to go in thinking we could win Regionals.

"Life only really has one beginning and one end, and the rest is just a whole lot of middle. And I love you guys too much not to make the most of it."

_Ah, so there was a purpose._ "We are doing a Journey medley, because who cares what happens when the getting there has been so much fun?" Mr. Shue announced. Smiles all returned to their faces.

"Lets get ready for Regionals!" he stated with a cheer.

* * *

**A/N: Remember to review and let me know what to do about Rachel's future! **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: The reviews were AWESOME! I can't wait for you guys to read on (although I still can't decide what to do with Rachel). I've heard both sides and it feels like a tie. Anyone feel the need to voice their opinion more or urge me to one side? Please...help!**

* * *

They had prepared day in and day out with a mash of Journey songs. Everyone began taking it more as fun than work. It lightened things and made memories. Rachel and Kurt had become extremely close, enjoying the way they could make up for times now.

The bus ride there, everyone was in a bundle of nerves. It took Rachel by surprise on how much she had to convince her dad to let her go, and then she almost didn't make it when she realized she had a chemo appointment that morning.

"You okay?" Kurt asked as he sat by her. "You look a little green."

Rachel gave him a particular look and he didn't say anything. He got it.

For most of the way there, he tried to distract her. Kurt thought that if he could keep her mind of her illness, she would feel better. It worked for a while. The two of them talked and then he got everyone else to sing along with them on the bus, but when he realized she was holding her stomach and looking green, he figured out she had been faking it all.

"Mr. Shue, can we stop and take a bathroom break?" Rachel asked faintly.

"Uh…yeah, I guess so," the choir teacher responded after checking his watch. Instructing the bus driver, it took no more than 10 minutes for the vehicle to pull over. Rachel was one of the first ones off the bus rushing for the restrooms.

"Watch it Berry," Santana yelled at her when Rachel swept by to get off. Kurt held his lips together but it took him all he had to not snap back at Santana and rush off to see if Rachel was okay.

Kurt waited outside against the wall for her, knowing she was puking her guts out in there. She would hold herself back until the team was done in there, and then lose everything in her stomach.

"Ready?" he asked, not bothering to ask if she was okay. He doubted she was.

"Yeah sorry," she said. "Nerves," she added when her teammates gave her looks.

"We all get them," Kurt said trying to make her feel better. Sitting back down, he handed her a bottle of water that he picked up while waiting. 'Drink' he mouthed to her. She needed some kind of nutrition in her body.

"Mr. Shue, can we stop again?" Rachel asked looking pale.

"Rachel," he sighed, "we just stopped a little over an hour ago."

"Actually Mr. Shue, she was asking for me," Kurt said speaking up. "I didn't think we had to go on our last stop and was too embarrassed to ask."

Mr. Shue gave them both a look but gave in. "Alright."

"Thank you," Rachel muttered to him, clearly ready to be sick again. And this was why her dads didn't want her going.

"Anytime," he said putting his hand over hers.

Kurt had pretended to go to the bathroom this time when they stopped again to make his lie look real. All while pacing the men's room acting like he was peeing he thought about Rachel. She was really concerning him and he hoped she would make it through Regionals.

"Dude, what are you doing?" Finn asked coming into the restrooms too.

"I'm nervous," he blurted out. "I'm nervous for regionals."

Finn's eyes became understanding. "Me too man. But we can do this, we've prepared as best as we can. All we can do now is do our best."

Nodding, Kurt smiled and took in a breath. _If only you knew the truth Finn,_ he thought. _You wouldn't be so calm either._

"Ready?" Rachel asked, waiting for him this time.

"Was I in there that long?" Kurt wondered confused.

"No," she laughed and had a small smile on his face. "Thank you for always worrying about me."

"It's a friend's duty," he noted as they got back onto the bus.

"Would you do this if you didn't…know," she asked, checking to see who was around before saying anything.

"I would like to think so," he said to her honestly. "We went over this before Rachel. You're still my friend. Getting a chance to know you better has made me realize how similar we are. I know this is silly, but I'm realizing you're my best friend. Not because of…that," he said referring to being sick, "but because I never gave myself an opportunity to like you. I've always looked at you as competition."

"You know," she said looking down at her lap, "I'm glad that I relapsed," she said in honesty before meeting his eyes, "it allowed me to meet you. And I wouldn't trade that all – not one bit."

Her words invisibly engraved itself on his heart. Everything he had said was true, but he wished he said more. She really had become his best friend. She was a great person after you got through the exterior. She had walls, Kurt learned. She was like any other human protecting her heart from getting hurt. He had judged her too quickly and unfairly. No wonder why she had been so in love with Jesse St. James. He had taken down those walls and seen her for the real person she was. Rachel Berry was a kind-hearted soul who was always giving. Whether she was giving pieces of her heart to others who needed it – or didn't – she always brought something to the table for others.

Feeling her lean against him, he sank lower in his seat and let her fall asleep on his shoulder until they got there.

* * *

Regionals.

It had been what they were waiting for. They had finally gotten there after one more bathroom break requested by Rachel.

Getting off the bus, they grabbed their things and headed for the dressing rooms. It was only an hour before show time and they didn't have much time to spare.

While the girls did their hair and make up, the boys got dressed and tied up their ties.

"Rachel! Come on, I need to pee," Brittany said pounding on the door.

"What's going on?" Kurt wondered, looking to Brittany.

"Rachel's been in there forever. I have to go," she complained to Kurt.

"Brit, there is a bathroom down the hall and to the left. You can go in there. I'll take care of this."

"Fine," she huffed, leaving to go find the restroom.

"Rach, you going to let me in?" Kurt knocked softly on the door. Hearing a click, he looked back to make sure no one was hovering and slipped in the room. She looked horrible. With her dress on and her hair done, she lingered over the toilet in nauseousness.

"What can I get you?" he asked immediately.

" Nothing," she moaned in discomfort with tears running down her cheeks. Chemo had been a horrible idea to go through before Regionals. "I had chemo today. Its always really bad the day I receive it."

"Why didn't your dads cancel it," he asked holding Rachel's long hair back while she threw up nothing.

"I can't afford to miss one," she told him gravely. Yes, her condition was that bad she meant. "I can't go out there right now."

"You don't have to," Kurt said easing her anxiousness. "We still have time. Its okay. Just take a breath and do whatever you need."

"I don't know where I would be without you here," she stated leaning back against the wall.

"Well you would still be in here that's for sure," he tried to lighten the mood, "with Brittany trying to bang down that door."

Rachel gave a small smile while closing her eyes and trying to pull it together. She was so nauseous and tired. It caused her so much energy to even just to try to act like she was okay.

"Rachel, we have to do your make up," Quinn said banging on the bathroom door.

Groaning, Rachel pulled herself up and steadied herself. "Coming," Kurt replied for her. Flushing the toilet, he let her rinse he mouth before going to sit at the vanity.

"You would think you two are a couple by the way you two have stuck with each other," Santana said to both her and Kurt.

"Shut it Santana," Kurt snap.

"Make me Hummel," she replied back.

"Enough," Finn said stepping between their verbal spat. "Remember what Mr. Shue said? We are supposed to be having fun."

Sighing, they all turned their ways and listened as the competition went on stage. Listening to a mash up of Olivia Newton John and Josh Grobin, they all sighed again. It was perfect. They were playing right into the judges' hands.

"If this is only about winning for you guys, the I owe you all an apology, because I've failed you. And we should just all go home because it means we've already lost," Mr. Shue said coming in to give them a pep talk. "We've got something that nobody else does…Finn's dancing!"

They all laughed, even though it wasn't terribly funny, the look on Finn's face made it well worth it. "Come on guys, let's bring it in. We've got two minutes to get out there."

Breath, Rachel thought. Huddling together, she smiled at her group and put on her best face. "Woah!" they all cheered together.

Rachel waited behind the curtain with Finn, trying to hold back her waves of sickness. She could do this.

"Break a leg," she told him when he came near.

"I still love you," he replied looking at her. Stunned into shock, she watched him resume his place before the music began.

"_**Highway run  
Into the midnight sun  
Wheels go round and round  
You're on my mind**_"

"_**Restless hearts  
Sleep alone tonight  
Sending all my love  
Along the wire**_" she sang.

_**They say that the road  
Ain't no place to start a family  
Right down the line  
It's been you and me  
And lovin' a music man  
Ain't always what it's supposed to be  
Oh, girl, you stand by me  
I'm forever yours  
Faithfully**_

_**Whooa, oh-oh-ooh  
Faithfully  
I'm still yours  
Whooa, oh-oh-ooh, oh  
Whooa, oh-oh-oh, oh-whoooooa-oh  
Faithfully  
I'm still yours**_

_**Faithfully.**_

One song down and suddenly Rachel was feeling great. It was the music again, she swore. Kurt looked at her with his eyes shining and she knew exactly how he felt.

_**Any way you want it  
that's the way you need it  
Any way you want it  
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh**_

It was their second mash up and she couldn't wait. _Bring it_ Rachel thought.

_**She loves to laugh  
She loves to sing  
She does everything  
She loves to move  
She loves to groove  
She loves the lovin' things **_

_**It wont be long, yeah  
till you're alone  
When you lover  
Oh he hasn't come home  
Cause he's lovin  
He's touchin'  
He's squeezing another**_

They performed like stars, blowing their own sadness out of the wind. Happiness was up on that stage whether they won or not. Rachel now understood what Mr. Shue meant when he said they just wanted to have fun. As soon as 'Don't Stop Believing' happened, Rachel was hit with overwhelming emotions. They had practiced this so many times and it was a hit the first time they ever did it to keep Glee alive. Why was it so hard now? _Because you're getting emotional,_ she thought in her head. Pushing down the overwhelming feelings, she listened to Finn sing and began her part.

_**He took the train going anywhere**_

She watched as Puck and Santana sang, finding they were perfect for the part too. Everyone had a star inside themselves, not just her. The song gave them a high – it gave Rachel one. After the performance it was like they were stood a chance. They all cheered and hugged each other.

"My water just broke," Rachel heard Quinn say. "My water just broke!"

Everyone started rushing towards her, Rachel too until she felt an oncoming wave of nausea. Staying back, she held onto the back of the couch.

"We need to get a hospital," Mr. Shuester said.

Unable to say anything, Rachel stood there. Now the room was starting to sway.

"Uh…Rachel!" Mr. Shue called, "stay back for the results! I'll keep you updated, don't worry!" he called to her rushing to Quinn. Rachel put her hand up and then put it right back down when she felt like her knees were about to give up.

"I'll stay back too," Kurt yelled to his teacher through all the commotion. Rushing to his friend's aid, haughty her just before she collapsed. Luckily everyone had already left with Quinn.

Lucky I just caught you there," Kurt teased his friend. Staring up into her eyes though, he knew something was wrong.

"Kurt," she pleaded, and then let the darkness take over.

* * *

"What do you mean you won't tell me what's going on?! Kurt, Rachel is passed out on the couch! I think I deserve to know what the hell is happening!" Finn's voice yelled. Rachel stirred, groaning slightly at the huge headache that was forming.

"Oh, Rachel," Kurt said rushing to her side.

"What happened?" she groaned feeling all too nauseous.

"You collapsed. I didn't know what to do. I didn't catch you in time and Finn looked back and saw us. Are you okay? Should I call someone? Is this normal? Should I get your dads?"

The cat was out of the bag for Finn now too Rachel noticed. He had witnessed her weak and now was asking questions.

"I have leukemia," she told Finn without even a warning. She was too exhausted and light headed to go with the pleasantries.

"What?" he gasped backing away from her. Kurt winced, thinking of how differently that could have gone.

"W-wha-t do you mean you have leukemia?"

Rachel went to bluntly elaborate, but Kurt decided to do it for her. She clearly wasn't in the mood and Finn was a gentle guy that needed to be let down easy. Telling her they would be right back, Kurt let her have a moment to herself while he explained everything to Finn.

It took Rachel a while to sit up and not feel like she had just been plowed over by a mob. She could have sworn she was okay after Kurt came to her saying he would stay with her. Blinking a few times, she heard Vocal Adrenaline over the PA. _I have to see them_ she thought. Slowly getting up, she took a few seconds before sneaking away.

She stood in the doorway of the theater, watching their performance. It was good – mind blowing really. Her thoughts of winning vanished. Jesse looked amazing up there; all of Vocal Adrenaline did.

Not able to stand the hurt any longer, she left the room. Walking back to their dressing room, she stopped by VA's.

"Congratulations," she told her mom, knowing already hands down who was going to win.

"Thanks Rachel."

"I want you to teach our glee club," she stated after that, being blunt about it. Usually she would phrase it into a proposition or make it sound nice, but she was tired. "Co-direct with Mr. Shuester."

"Why would I do that?" her mom wondered.

"There's so much you could teach us," Rachel replied stepping forward. "So much you can only teach me."

"Oh Rachel," her mom sighed. "I can't keep doing this anymore."

Her heart fell. "I'm tired of glee club," Shelby stated. "I want a life. It took me you to realize all the stuff that I missed out on. I need a house and a garden and dog and a fa-…family," she sighed. "I missed out on my chance with you and I can't let that happen again."

Rachel stared at her mother, suddenly immune to her understanding eyes. "I'm right here. The only thing you're missing is the rest of your daughter's life. It may be a shortened amount of time – especially now – but I'm still here. I'm still fighting." Turning, Rachel stared at her mom and went to walk away. She saw how Shelby went to reach out for her in sadness, but she didn't care. Walking back into the dressing room, both Kurt and Finn were pacing.

"Where were you?!" they both yelled.

"Sorry, I had to get some air," she said on the verge of tears. Sighing, Kurt hugged her. He couldn't imagine how hard things were for her right now.

"I just want my mom," she mumbled in his hug. "Why can't I have her?" Kurt let go of her and stared in her eyes. Tears were falling from Rachel's eyes at a rapid place. "Wait, she doesn't know?"

She shook her head.

"Rach, you gotta tell her," Finn spoke before Kurt could.

"No," she sniffled. "She clearly doesn't want anything to do with me. She's looking for her fresh start." Ready to say something else, she quickly retracted it and put a hand over her mouth. "Excuse me," her muttered before rushing to the bathroom to throw up.

A loud ding was announced signaling it was awards time.

"Go on out there, we will be right there," Kurt said to Finn, wanting to stay with Rachel.

"No," she groaned, holding back her gag relax. "Go. I'll meet you both there."

About ready to fight, Kurt heard her throw up once more before nodding. Walking alongside Finn, they left and went to go hear who won.

By the time Rachel made it to them, the announcers had skipped all the formalities and a drum roll had started. The three teams were lined up waiting to hear who had won. Squeezing Kurt's hand when he put it on her shoulder, she gave a glance to Jesse. He was already peering over at her with a longing and questioning glance. _Please don't hate me_ his eyes begged. Ignoring them, she looked down and waited.

Hearing them call runner ups as Aural Intensity, the glee clubbers felt like they had a chance.

_Please_, Rachel begged as she stood there.

"And now the winners…" Sue announced. Glancing one more time at Jesse who was already looking at her, they held each other's stare. "Vocal Adrenaline!"

Rachel felt that pit in her stomach. Breaking the stare, she closed her eyes so tears wouldn't fall while he began to cheer with his team.

"I'm gunna…" Rachel said running off stage. Making it to a trashcan, she threw up almost nothing. Heaving a cry as she stood there, she looked up to the sky and hated everything. This was the only thing she wanted – her team wanted. Glee club was now about to end because of this and her friends were going to part ways. How could anyone do this? They had practiced so hard for this. She needed this for her team. It was her last wish.

Lettings some tears fall, Rachel walked away from the stage and back into the dressing room.

* * *

"I'm sorry," Jesse's voice told her when he found her in her team's dressing room. Glancing up at that voice, Rachel found none other than her opponent.

"Go away," she told him weakly. She couldn't stand any mind games right now. She was too weak and hurt.

"You're never one to back down from-"

"You don't know me anymore!" Rachel cut him off in exclamation, startling him again. She stared him down with her eyes red and her face pale while he stood there. "you made it painfully clear I was nothing to you, so please, for both our sakes just drop the act."

"I-"

"What the hell!" a voice shouted. Finn went charging at Jesse St. James red with anger. Snapping around, Rachel saw Jesse get punched in the face.

"Stop!" she yelled to Finn.

"Finn!" Kurt yelled.

Trying to separate the two, she pleaded again for the two to stop. Feeling so weak, she let out another whimper and went to collapse.

"Rachel!" Kurt yelled, moving around the two bodies to try and catch her. Luckily she fell to her knees and just that. Both boys had stopped fighting – with a grasp on either one's shirts.

"Do you see what you both are doing right now? Knock it off!" Kurt yelled helping his friend up.

"Kurt," Rachel said weakly. "I know, come on," Kurt replied guiding her to the couch.

"Is she okay?" Jesse wondered, pushing Finn away from him.

"No, she's not even close to it," Kurt replied.

"Just get out of here man," Finn said. "She has enough on her plate now."

"Look, you guys have next year," Jesse said trying to clear the air.

"No! We don't!" Finn snapped. "The program is going to get cut because we lost and Rachel…-"

"Rachel…what?" Jesse said worried.

"Nothing," Kurt finished, glaring at Finn. Secret. Did that boy know the word secret?

Mad at himself, Finn huffed and walked out of the room, bumping shoulders with Jesse on the way out to blow off some steam.

"Rach…"

"Go be with your team Jesse," she told him with teary eyes. "Just go."

Staring at her with helpless eyes, he saw how something terrible was wrong. What had he done? Backing away, he gave Kurt the same helpless look and walked away.

* * *

They made it back to Ohio in the middle of the night. Kurt insisted on taking Rachel home. He knocked on the Berry's door, handing a tired and weak Rachel over. He explained to them how worried he was for her and told them what happened during the trip. He knew it was serious when her dads gave fretful looks. "Thank you Kurt," they told him before saying goodbye and shutting the door.

"Jesse," Rachel whimpered as she laid in bed. She saw him and it hurt her all over again. She loved him.

"Rachel?" her father wondered.

Stirring, Rachel began opening her eyes. It was too bright for her.

"Honey, open your eyes," Hiram coaxed. Doing as she was told Rachel took in her surroundings. White. Sterile. No. She was in the hospital.

"Its okay," Hiram said in a smooth voice. "You made it home safe and you're okay. You were too dehydrated and wouldn't wake up after Kurt brought you home so we took you in. Its okay."

They repeated that phrase 'it's okay'. Clearly, it was far from anything like that but she felt a small tinge of comfort in it. "The doctors want to keep you here overnight. They said they would like to observe how you're doing," LeRoy reported.

Sighing, Rachel looked around the empty room. She was really getting tired of them.

"Get some sleep honey," Hiram said. "You'll be home before you know it."

* * *

Rachel missed the next two days of school. It had both Kurt and Finn worried when she didn't show up after the weekend of Regionals, and it had them even more worried when she never answered her phone. They were about ready to take a trip to her house until she showed up the next day looking a little better.

"I thought you weren't coming back," Kurt said hugging her in relief.

"I know, I'm sorry," Rachel said, hugging Finn back when he swept in for one next. "Has everyone been holding up okay?"

"Glee hasn't met in the past two days. No one felt like showing up and facing what was real," Kurt reported to her.

Rachel sighed. The team had truly given up.

"Come on, I want to round everyone up and do something for Mr. Shue," she said. Nodding, both boys helped her achieve her plan.

Auditorium. Now. They had texted everyone while Rachel went to get Mr. Shue.

"So," she sighed, "we have something we need to say to you," she announced when he sat down and everyone gathered, informed exactly of what they were doing. Sharing their stories, she admitted their truths to him – of how he changed their lives. Maybe this would help everyone too, Rachel thought. "We don't care what the judges say. We won." Trying not to cry, she put a smile on her face, "because we had you as a teacher."

Two people snuck in the auditorium while no one was looking. When Sue Sylvester had caught Jesse St. James sneaking into the school she figured he was going to need a good talking to. Boy was she going to give him an earful and couldn't wait. She had dragged him into her office, sitting him down but before she could even start, Jesse noticed how some of the Cheerios from glee rushed some place. Standing up from his chair in Sue's office, he walked away, ready to find out what was going on. It landed them in the auditorium, hearing everyone sing 'To Sir With Love' to Mr. Shuester while they sat on wooden stools. All of them had tears in their eyes, finding it hard to believe that their club was over.

Jesse's heart broke when he heard Rachel sing and saw tears in her eyes. He didn't want this for her. He didn't want his winning to cost her this. Mr. Shuester was a great guy, Jesse had to admit. Although he had his flaws and annoying quality, he brought a sense of family together in all of them.

Both Sue and Jesse waited until the song was over to leave. Neither of them said much to each other, rather stood there in silence taking it all in.

"If you'll excuse me I have some business to attend to," Sue said walking away while calling over her shoulder, "And St. James, I don't want to see you in McKinley High anymore. You've done enough here."

Principal Figgins was convinced to one last year of glee. If they couldn't make it next time, things would be over for sure but for now, all was okay. When Mr. Shuester announced this to his team, he couldn't help but feel as ecstatic as they were.

"Now, you've all sung a song for me, I'd like to return the favor," Mr. Shuester said getting out his ukulele. He sang 'Somewhere Over The Rainbow' to them. Rachel loved the song, finding it to be perfect as she hugged her friends.

When the song came to an end, she hugged everyone once again, and then began to sniffle. "I have a secret to share."

* * *

**A/N: Review =)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Here ya go! Sorry for the long wait on the chapter! The errors in here are my own. Oh and thanks for the reviews! They were great =)**

* * *

"I-I…" Rachel froze at the crowd of people looking at her. She knew it was for everyone to know but at the same time, was terrified. Things were about to change.

"Spit it out Berry," Santana snapped. Oh how she was going to miss that.

"I have leukemia," she said then. There was no other way to say it.

"You're going this route again? I thought you learned from Finn," Kurt muttered to her.

"Kurt…you know?" Mr. Shuester asked.

"Unfortunately so," Kurt replied. "I found out a week or two before Regionals."

Everyone sat there stunned and Rachel waited for people to process.

"How long have you been sick?" Mercedes wondered.

"After my bout of laryngitis," she told her softly, "I found out I relapsed."

"Relapsed?" Quinn asked.

"I had cancer as a kid too. For about two years before my body was able to fight it off."

"Well, that will be the case now right?" Artie wondered.

"…No," Rachel hesitated. "Its not as easy. I've started treatments, I have for a while now…they just," she took in a deep breath, "they aren't working."

"But you'll find one," Tina said.

"Hopefully in time yes," Rachel looked at her.

"Does your mom know?" Puck wondered.

"No," she responded, curling a hair behind her ear. "Shelby doesn't need to know about this."

"Rachel…" Mr. Shue started.

"She's made it clear I'm not the daughter she's looking for Mr. Shuester," Rachel told her teacher. "As much as I've wanted to tell her, it's not right. I'm only telling you guys now because I didn't respond to my other treatment. It's looking grave."

"But there is still hope," Kurt clarified, hoping she would agree to that.

"Some," Rachel said, trying not to crush their thoughts. If there were hope, it would be very small. She didn't stand much of a chance with all of this time ticking by.

"I-I'm so sorry," Matt said, stunned by the news.

"Its okay, thank you though," Rachel replied politely. She figured much of that would be going around. It was the thing to say – the only thing you could. Apologizing for something that no one had power over was an automatic reply that Rachel wasn't sure how it came to be.

Santana looked at her. "Jesse doesn't know, does he?"

"No," Rachel answered. "Like I said, not many people do."

"Don't you think he should?" she wondered back.

"Why?" Rachel questioned.

"Well, he was like, your boyfriend, and you do still love him. We know you do."

"You of all people saying I should tell our opponent? I thought you would thank me for not telling him anything."

"Things have changed obviously. He's not exactly our opponent anymore since we lost and you're dying Berry. I think that triumphs any-"

"Santana enough," Mr. Shue said, able to hear the words 'dying' and 'Berry' in the same sentence yet.

"No, its okay," Rachel told him. "I'm not telling you all of this for pity. It needs to be known now, yes, but I don't want it to change anything. No funny treatment just because I'm sick."

"Rachel, how could you ask us that," Mercedes said distraught.

"Its hard," Kurt told everyone, composed but upset, "but once you realize why – when you step into her shoes – you realize you would want that same thing. She's just asking you all to try your best."

"I'll do it," Brittany said shrugging. "And I'm sorry for being mean to you."

"Thanks Brittany, and it's okay."

"I can't believe you're going to like…die," she said.

"Shut up Brittany," Finn snapped, clearly still dealing.

"Finn," Rachel sighed.

"No, don't," he replied looking down at the floor. Wiping his eyes he stood up and left the room. _Well, it was to be expected._

"Anyone have anything else to say?"

The room was quiet, everyone lost in thought. Sighing, she looked at the floor and then to everyone else. "Look, this stays between Glee club. I don't want it to turn into gossip and to get all around Lima. They'll give us pity and lets be honest, winning out of pity is like losing. I'm trusting you guys not to say anything to anyone. Please." Most nodded while others just blinked, still trying to wrap their heads around everything.

Hearing the bell ring, Rachel got up and stared at everyone. No one had moved to pack or clean up, they just sat there still as stones. "Come find me if you need anything."

* * *

The first thing that William Shuester wanted to do was call Shelby Corcoran. He wanted to tell her to march her butt over here and to reconcile with her daughter, but he realized if he did that, he would be going against Rachel's wishes to keep her state a secret.

Walking down the hallways, he went to go find Rachel so they could talk some more. Running into Sue, the two of them looked at each other.

"So you know huh?" She asked him.

"…Huh?" he wondered. "You know?"

"I was the principal for a few weeks William," she said in that brash tone. Seeing it wasn't the mood, her eyes softened. "Yes, Rachel and her dads came to see me to clarify her circumstances and needs."

"And so you let this go? You let her continue on when you knew she was…" Will stopped himself. "You let us lose Regionals?"

"I did no such thing," Sue snapped feeling horrible enough for that. The tallies were against them even when she tried to convince everyone New Directions should win. "I voted for who I thought was best."

Will let out a disgusted sigh, running a hand through his hair. "I have to go find Rachel."

"I sent her home," Sue said. "She came to me after she told you all and looked tired. I wrote her a pass to take the rest of the day off."

"How'd she get home?" he wondered knowing she didn't have a car. "She-"

"I know William. I took care of it." Sue had driven her home herself, making sure Rachel got in the Berry household herself. Rachel had looked like crap when she stepped into her office. She was weak and dehydrated. Sue had even brought a bottle of water along and instructed the girl to drink it while she drove her home.

Trying to cope, Will left Sue in the hallway, needing the time to find peace within himself. His student was dying...

* * *

Rachel was home, sleeping off the aches and pains of her body. She didn't text her dads because she didn't want them to know how bad she was feeling, but she did text Kurt to tell him she had left.

She thought she would feel stronger after telling everyone her secret. She would have to spend less time faking things and acting like she was okay. But then she still felt horrible. To her, nothing was going. Her last few months were sinking into a big black hole. They lost Regionals, she lost Jesse, her team now had to cope with her leukemia…it was all too much.

Rolling over, Rachel looked at the piece of paper hanging on her wall, written with her goal for every day. It was easier said than done she was learning.

Hearing her phone bing, she pushed herself up from her bed and grabbed the device.

**Can we meet?** Finn asked. Checking her clock she noticed school was almost out soon. He had no idea that she was home.

**When?** She responded. It only took a second or two before she got a response.

**Breadstix? Meet there around 6.**

**Okay**, she replied hitting send. That meant she still had a few hours to sleep and change. Putting her phone back on her nightstand, she went back to sleep. Maybe Finn wanted to apologize. Maybe he wanted to make things be okay between them.

* * *

When she met him at Breadstix she wasn't sure what to expect. She knew he was having a hard time dealing with things and had taken her situation hard, she just didn't know if he had turned a new leaf.

Feeling better than earlier that morning, she walked into the restaurant. She was still run down but not as much. It helped her put on stronger face for when she sat down in the booth where Finn was waiting.

"Hi," he spoke watching her carefully.

"Hi," she smiled back at him, trying to make her gestures as genuine as possible.

"Thank you for meeting me here."

"Of course," she replied laughing a little bit. "Finn, you don't have to act so formal with me. It's still me. I'm still co-captain."

"Right," he said looking away. It made Rachel's heart hurt a bit, proving her point on how this changed things. He was treating her differently. "I-I thought we should talk."

"Okay," she said waiting for him to begin. Before he could start though, a waitress came over, taking their order. "So…"

"I meant what I said at Regionals Rach," Finn blurted out. _Oh. Oh no_. Rachel thought to herself. She was prepared for the cancer talk or the sympathy treatment. Not this.

"Finn-…"

"I know it's probably a lot to process right now," he stated, not expecting any answer. "You have a lot to deal with and I get that. Its cool. But just know that I'm going to be there for you okay? I don't want you to feel like you have to go through this alone."

Swallowing a lump in her throat, she tried to think about how to go about this. She didn't want to lead him on in any way for the future, but she was afraid that with the moments she would have left, he would be mad when she rejected him. To be honest, she was still hung up over Jesse. She didn't think she would be able to recover from it – at least not for a while. She wasn't expecting anything from Jesse, but her heart still held a part of him that she didn't like to remember. "I-I…"

"Well lookie who it is," Karofsky and Azimio claimed walking to up where the couple was sitting. "Please don't tell me y'all are trying to get with each other? We don't need any of yo babies walking around."

"Lay off guys," Finn snapped.

"I'm sorry, what was that Mr. Bisexual?" Azimio asked with a laugh.

"Screw you guys," Rachel stated angry. All three of them looked at her. Did she really just say that?

"You're going to wanna watch with you say toothpick," Azimio threatened.

"Or what?" she asked no longer afraid. No one moved. Starting at each other, she jumped when Azimio slapped his hand on the table hard. He and Karofsky laughed, walking away while her and Finn sat there startled.

"I should go," Rachel said sliding out of the booth. She didn't want to be here any longer, especially since Azimio and Karofsky were sitting a few tables away.

"Rach…"

"Really Finn," she said tucking hair behind her ear. "I-I-I'm not feeling too well and just want to go home. See you tomorrow in school," she told him before walking away.

"Let me give you a ride home," he said running to catch up.

"That's okay," she replied clearly shaken up.

"Rachel…"

"Finn please," she begged spinning around to face him. She couldn't deal with what he was trying to bring up right now. All she wanted to do was go home and go back to bed. Maybe her day today would become a faint memory.

Pulling out her phone, she called her dads to come get her.

"I'm sorry tonight didn't go right," he said stuffing his hands in his pockets waiting with her for her dads to get her.

"It wasn't your fault," Rachel claimed looking up to him to convey how much she meant it. "Obviously they are jealous of what we – glee club," she clarified "has. We'll stick it to them when we make it to Regionals next time."

"And you'll be right there with us," Finn said confidently. It seemed to more like he was telling himself this so she played along and nodded. Hopefully she would be.

"I'll see you later Finn," Rachel said seeing her dad's car come around.

Watching her get in the vehicle, he waited till it left his sights. "Bye Rach."

* * *

Rachel had a harsh batch of chemotherapy the next morning so she ended up skipping the whole day. She was started on another new treatment, coming with stronger side effects of fatigue, loss of appetite, easy bruising, dizziness, etc.

Her fight was taking so much out of her, along with school and glee club. She felt like she couldn't keep up. Some days were great while others were horrible. Her dads wanted her to rest all day since she was home and she had no problem following along. After coming home she slept for almost another 8 hours straight, only to wake up to the evening darkness. Hearing her phone buzz, Rachel sat up in her bed and looked to see who it was. _**1 new text message from Kurt.**_

Opening it up, her face couldn't help but to breach a smile.

**Movie night at my place if you feel up to coming. Pizza and munchies provided!**

Texting him back she quickly wrote **I'll be there** before moving to get up out of bed. It was nice that her and Kurt were such close friends. She could tell he tried really hard to keep the group together. It wasn't just for her sake but for all of theirs. They had all become like a family and it worked out perfectly since he liked hosing things that they would have get togethers at his place. It was a perfect way to create memories and get their minds off of all the stress they had.

**I'll pick you up** her phone buzzed with another text while she was putting some better clothes on. She smiled at Puck's text, quickly replying with a thank you and going to wash her face

"Daddies!" Rachel called walking down the steps. She could hear their footsteps patter towards her. "I'm going to Kurt's."

"Is that wise?" LeRoy asked cautiously, knowing how rough of a day it had been.

"Let her go LeRoy," Hiram said with a hand on the man's shoulder. Their daughter had already discussed to them how she felt when Kurt brought the glee club together. It was her time to get away from all the stress she had and lifted her spirits. Both LeRoy and Hiram understood that that club was like her family too and he didn't want to stop her from having that time with them.

"Call us if you need anything."

"Thank you daddies," she said hugging them both. Hearing a honk outside, Rachel grabbed her coat and purse and opened the front door.

"Nice timing," she complimented to Puck who was jogging up the walkway to come greet her.

"We got that Jewish connection babe," he replied holding out his arm for her to take. Giving a laugh, she waved to her dads once more before leaving with Puck and driving away.

Kurt's house – which was also Finn's house now too, was filled with commotion. Almost everyone was there, crowded around the television with popcorn, chips, candy, pizza, blankets, movies, and a whole bunch else. Her and Puckerman arrived to the scene, not even bothering to ring the doorbell, knowing they were welcome. To anyone else it was like a normal event but to them, every event was like new. Puck helped Rachel shed her coat and things and guided her forth to the group already laughing and giggling.

"Rachel!" Kurt and others exclaimed.

"Puck too," Brittany acknowledged with a smile when he put his arms out joking in appall. Sitting down, in-between Kurt and Puck on the couch, she smiled at the rest of the glee clubbers. They were scattered all around the living room, huddled together ready to get the part started. Santana and Brittany were directly in front of the TV laying on their bellies, Mercedes on the floor leaning against the couch near between her and Puck's feet, Quinn beside Mercedes, Mike beside her, and Finn and Matt on either chair throwing a football across the room to each other.

It was always good to see them all. Rachel couldn't say things were exactly back to normal, but this normal was better than the original. She felt like they really were all a family. All of them had some kind of connection with each other now – one that she hoped would stay with them forever. It was something she always hoped for and now it had come true.

"Movie time!" Tina called, coming in with Artie as the last two to arrive.

"Yeay!" they all shouted, laughing at each other in the process. Passing the food and blankets, they all got settled.

"I picked out the perfect movie," Kurt whispered to Rachel while waiting for the title screen to appear. Waiting for it to show, Rachel raised an eyebrow when she saw 'Saw' popped up on screen.

"No!" Kurt yelled in protest. Standing up with his hands on his hips, he looked all around. "Who switch out 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'?"

Hearing a clapping of hands, she watched as Puck and Mike smirked.

"Mike!" Kurt exclaimed.

"Nice one dude," Puck laughed.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch Hummel. It's not even that scary," Santana stated.

"They just kill people," Brittany clarified for the group.

"In very cruel ways," Mercedes added.

"Ew," Quinn winced, watching the torture that was happening on screen. Turning her face, she gave a soft smile to Rachel.

The two of them had come to some silent call of peace. Neither acknowledged it to one another, but Rachel found that the two of them discovered that there was no point in fighting over whatever they were fighting over to begin with.

"Woah dude," Puck said staring at the screen.

"Oh that is just gross!" Kurt protested, shielding his eyes and turning his head.

Breaking herself out of her thoughts, Rachel looked up at the screen and saw a guy cut in half. "Oh my gosh," She said turning her head too and hiding against Puck.

"How can you all watch this?" Tina exclaimed while the guys, along with Mercedes, Santana and Brittany all stared at the TV.

"Its not that bad," Santana stated eating some licorice.

"Oh no, that is disgusting," Kurt said trying to take another peek.

Doing the same, Rachel looked up from Puck's chest and caught Finn's stare. He was no longer paying attention to the TV, but to her. She was curled beside Puck while his arm was on the back of the couch. She wanted to tell Finn it wasn't what he was thinking. Puck and her were just growing closer as friends, but the look on Finn's face was crushed and Rachel wondered it if was for the better.

Hearing a scream, Rachel glanced to the TV only to see the guy blow up, his guts spilling everywhere. Letting out a squeal, she hid her face again and felt Puck laugh.

"This needs to come off!" Kurt protested still shielding his eyes.

"Oh come on!" Matt said with a laugh, "this is awesome!"

They all sat there for another 30 minutes looking at bloody bodies and hearing sounds of torture. Puck had moved his arm around Rachel while she cuddled up beside him, shielding her eyes and face from looking at the horror.

"Pause!" Mike exclaimed getting up. "Bathroom break."

"Oh thank heavens," Quinn said letting her own pillow down from her face.

"This is absolutely coming out of here," Kurt said getting up to go to the DVD played.

"No!" almost everyone else shouted, grabbing for his legs to knock him down.

"Park it Kurt!" Mercedes exclaimed. Shocked, they all began to burst out with laughter.

"Excuse me," Rachel said poking Puck to let her up. She needed to get some water. Moving a bit, a few watched as Rachel left the room.

"Hi sweetie," Carole Hudson said sitting at the table with Burt doing a puzzle. Rachel thought it was cute, the two of them together doing something like that. With all their screaming, the two adults had found their own peace.

"Hi Mrs. Hudson, Mr. Hummel."

"Rachel, you know you can call us by our first names," Kurt's dad said with a laugh. Blushing, Rachel nodded and got a glass from the cupboards.

"Enjoying the movie?" Finn's mom wondered.

"Its…different," Rachel laughed, turning on the faucet.

"We've heard the screaming," Burt chuckled, multitasking on the puzzle. "It sounds intense."

"Trust me, that is one way to put it. I think horrifying is another great one."

All three of them laughed when suddenly Rachel felt dizzy. Swaying a bit, she went to grip the counter.

"Rachel?" Both the mom and dad asked getting up to rush to her.

"I-…I'm okay," Rachel replied weakly. Carole took the glass from her hands setting it down on the counter and Burt got her a cold cloth. They touched her face looking for signs in case it was hot – mostly out of instinct since they knew she was sick.

"Here," Burt said dabbing this against her.

"I'm sorry," Rachel blushed, completely embarrassed. She didn't understand herself sometimes. Usually she loved the spotlight, but when she was weak like this, she wished she were as far as away as she could ever be.

"It happens," Carole smiled, making sure she was steady on her feet before letting go of her.

"Mom?" Finn asked coming into the room and observing the scene. "Everything okay?"

"All good here Finnster," Burt said clapping the guy on the back. Giving him a small smile, Rachel nodded to confirm and took her water.

"Take care of her," she heard Finn's mom say to him when she thanked them and walked out of the room.

"Rachel," Finn said coming after her then. Turning around, she looked up at him.

"Uhh…come here," he said bringing them into his parents room.

"Umm…Finn? Isn't this where your parents sleep? Are you sure we should be in here. I-"

"Its fine," he said brushing off what she was saying so he could speak. "Listen, what is going on with you and Puck?"

"Nothing," she sighed, knowing where this was going already. Staring at her water and then off to the side, she finally looked into Finn's eyes. She really didn't want to hurt him. "I'm not involved with him Finn."

"I-…Puck has just been a really great shoulder to lie on, just like Kurt," she told him. "This whole team has. I mean, have you looked at us recently? We are truly becoming this family. A family I could only dream of having."

"But then why-"

"Do you see what we are watching?" Rachel asked weakly. "Its gross and terrifying. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have nightmares," she told him with a joking laugh. She didn't want this to be too serious or dramatic for either of them. Tonight was a great night; she wanted it to stay that way.

"I just don't feel the same about you right now Finn," she spoke honestly. Looking straight into his eyes, she hoped he understood. "This whole thing with Jesse and my diagnosis…I…I'm still in love with him Finn. I still miss Jesse and what we had. I need time to get over that and focus on getting better. Maybe when things turn up and we have more time to talk about things…"

"You act like you have all the time in the world!" he exclaimed in an outburst of hurt. Rachel's eyebrows furrowed and looked away feeling hurt. Holding out an arm towards her, Finn watched as she took a step back. "I-I'm s-sorry, I didn't mean that."

"Its okay," she said quietly before clearing her throat. She wasn't sure what was going to happen, and Finn could be true but… "Even though I might not have my whole life ahead of me anymore, you and I know you deserve better. I'm not right for you Finn. Not right now at least. I'm still hung up on Jesse, and like you said I may not be here for much longer. You deserve a long time of happiness. You deserve someone who can love you with all they have."

"Rach…I-"

"Really Finn," she told him holding back tears. She hated thinking about the possibility of her death. She could say it easily – she could tell anyone who asked how long she might have – it came with the speech and explanation that she had leukemia. But when she really sat down and had to think about it, it scared the wits out of her. She didn't want to die. She didn't want to come close and think of what the feeling would be. Would she know when she was going to die? Or would it just happen – making her die feeling scared?

"I-I-…I think we should just go back in there now and not let this affect us both. We have obviously cleared the air and you have no reason to be jealous so…" Taking her own cue, Rachel side stepped Finn and walked out of his parent's bedroom.

"What happened?" Puck asked when she curled up near him again and had tears in her eyes.

"What did he say?" Quinn asked in an understanding tone. She knew that Finn liked Rachel again. This time she wasn't jealous or mad. She didn't really care because she didn't have any more feelings for him. She found that being single and independent was actually better.

"Nothing," Rachel said trying to pull a smile on her face when she had tears in her eyes. Feeling a change in weight, Rachel looked to see Kurt get up.

"Wait, Kurt no!" she said. It was too late though. Kurt was on a hunt.

"Rachel does not need this!" was the first thing he yelled to his brother when he found him still standing in his parent's bedroom. "What are you trying to do Finn?"

"I just…I just want to love her – to have her love me back," he stated helplessly. "She-…. She's dying Kurt and I don't want to lose her. I don't want her to be alone."

"She's not dying," Kurt said with tears filling his own eyes. Kurt was determined to think positively since no one else was willing to. Not even Rachel was able to stay positive half the time so he took it on himself to do it for her and the group. He was the reminder that she was a fighter and could beat the cancer. Kurt even remembered when he was at Rachel's house one day when she was sick and she had thanked him for staying strong when she couldn't. He was there to encourage her.

"She is going to get through this and live a happy life. You don't get to go gallivanting around Finn Hudson and mess around with her already messed up life because you want to cling to something…to her. You don't get to do that." Kurt was angry and emotional. "She is a person – a human being. Although at one time you two loved each other, that time came to an end. If I recall you ended it. You lost your chance Finn. She moved on with Jesse. And although he turned out to be the competition and the bad guy, he was still _her_ guy. He still cared for Rachel and they did love each other. They still do."

Kurt sniffled and then turned to the door. "You don't get to do this to her Finn. Not now and not ever."

With that, he walked out, leaving Finn standing there blown away again.

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**A/N: What'd ya think?! A surprise in the next chapter so take a guess what it could be with a review! ;)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Mwahaha. And the surprise is here! Sorry for the short break on updating. Life got ahead of me there. Enjoy the chapter and don't forget to review! (Yes, I'm a nag like that...)**

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The whole group had heard the outburst. It was hard not to when Kurt was yelling at Finn. Rachel was so embarrassed; she thought her cheeks looked like tomatoes.

"Sorry all," Kurt said exasperated. Pushing his hair back, he sat back down calm and collected. "We can continue now."

As everyone got readjusted Rachel made her way over to Kurt and hugged him. "Thank you," she whispered while he laid his head on his shoulder.

"You aren't going anywhere," he told her, not allowing himself to believe she would leave them. Staying silent, the movie began playing and before she knew it a pillow was covering her and Kurt's face while the people on the TV screamed.

"This is disgusting. I'm making sure our Broadway movie stays in that player before this party begins," he muttered to her.

"Agreed."

For the rest of the movie, everyone was either watching what went on screen or was covering their faces and cringing. At one point Puck thought it was funny to scare everyone by yelling 'Ahh!' and touching Rachel, causing her to scream and hit the bowl of popcorn over, making it fall all over Quinn.

"Oh you're so dead Berry," Quinn said in a threatening voice. Breaking out into a smile, Quinn shook the closest pop can to her and opened it, spraying soda all over Rachel. It began a huge mess of food, pillow, and blanket throwing. It was the most fun they all had ever had, along with the most clean up.

"Truce?" Quinn asked holding her hand out. She still had popcorn kernels in her hair.

"Truce," Rachel smiled shaking the outstretched hand. They had settled their differences together as one.

"Ready?" Puck asked Rachel coming to her side. He had crumbs of chips all over his shirt along with a few feathers Kurt ran to get from his sewing things to make the party seem more movie dramatic.

Smiling, she waved everyone a goodbye and let Puck walk her out of the house and to his car.

"That was crazy," Puck said when they pulled out of the driveway. "I've never started that big of a fight, well except for that one time in the cafeteria when I hit another jock in the face with a plate of spaghetti."

Rachel gave a giggle.

"You know, Finn was being a stupid jerk," he told her while keeping his eyes on the road.

"He still loves me," she admitted looking down at her hands before glancing out the window. "At least that's what he said during Regionals."

"He admitted that to you during Regionals?" Puck said surprised.

"Right before we got on stage," she replied.

"Man," he sighed and parked the car in her driveway. "Well look," he said turning to face her, "Finn was wrong for doing so. It's not because you have a lot going on – I've been hearing everyone say that but I think it's bogus. A relationship would be a good thing for you. I think it would lift your spirits."

Rachel felt a wave of sadness overcome her. Was she really that depressive?

"But he had no right to do or say what he did. Finn tries to care in his own way, but most of the time its not the right way. He lacks game," Puck said in a serious tone that had Rachel beginning to smile. He always cheered her up. "Just keep your head held high Berry. I'm pretty sure Kurt will kick anyone's ass for you."

"Thank you Noah."

"Anytime Berry. Now get out of my car. Santana said she would come meet me at my house to get a little-"

"Nope!" Rachel said getting out of the car as quick as possible. Both had smiles on their face then. Shutting the car door, she waved at him and walked up to her front door watching him leave.

* * *

Walking up to her bedroom, Rachel couldn't believe how great of a night she had. Her friends were honestly the best. Besides the whole Finn fiasco, everything was looking up for them.

Rachel looked down at her clothes while taking the last two steps. She was drenched in soda and had a few feathers and popcorn stuck to her. Chuckling, she touched her sticky skin and walked into her room.

Air had left the room. She should have gotten a warning sign or something because when she stared at the person in her room, she couldn't breath.

"Rachel," Jesse breathed staring at her with those blue eyes of his. He was sitting on the edge of her bed waiting for her to come home. Her dads had let him in after much convincing. He had a long discussion with them and told them everything – from start to finish. He was grateful when they let him stick around for her to get home and was left in their gratitude when they went out for a midnight movie so the two of them could have some time alone to talk when she got back.

"J-Jes…" she couldn't even say his name yet. He was sitting there; taking in her reaction like this was all normal.

"What are you doing here?" she asked clearing her throat. He knew she was trying to regain some composure and power. She was Rachel Berry. He didn't expect anything less when it came to her.

Watching her every move, he observed her walk around her room dropping her things. "I wanted to see you."

Her voice was soft when she spoke, hopeless even. "Why?"

The word held so many answers, so many things he felt he needed to explain. Where do I begin? He wanted to say. "Because I still love you."

Rachel stared at him for a long time. She just stood there in the middle of her room standing there searching his eyes for the truth.

Deciding to make a move, Jesse slowly got up from her bed and made his way towards her. He didn't want to scare her and he didn't want her to start yelling. Instead, he kept a small amount of space in between them; still being intimate enough that he could over her with his height. Staring into her dark chocolate brown eyes he leisurely brought up a hand and cupped her cheek.

"You're sticky," he said with furrowed eyebrows. The words made her laugh for a second and back away, realizing she was.

"I was out-…umm…" The smile slowly faded from her face and she looked away. _Was this right?_ She thought to herself. _He was here, in her room, saying he loved her. Did he know? Did he see right through her?_

"Rachel," he said taking the step forward she took back. Bringing her face back to his, he reached his hand up again and held it there. He missed her. He missed her skin and her smell. Although she had a twinge of grape to her, he still had missed her. Keeping their stare, he slowly inched forward soon closing his eyes when her lips touched hers.

"No," she breathed pulling away after their lips had touched. He didn't get to do this to her, he didn't get to waltz back into her life.

"Y-You…" her eyebrows furrowed. No. Just…no.

"I have a lot of explaining to do," he pleaded.

"Explaining?" she questioned to him. Glancing up in his eyes she stood there again. They were past explaining. "You broke my heart."

"And I'm here to get it back," he told her when tears welled in her eyes. He couldn't stand this. He couldn't stand not touching her and not making things right. He just wanted her. He wanted her all to himself again.

"I know it's taken me a long time to get back to you Rachel. I-I…"

"Stop," she pleaded shutting her eyes, almost as if she was also trying to shut her ears. "Please, just stop."

"Rach-"

"Y-yo-you egged me!" she began realizing with a raised pitch. "You tried to funkify me and you left me for Vocal Adrenaline."

Jesse didn't say anything. It was true. He did all that.

"Yo-you had my heart," she breathed out in pain, "and you broke it."

Pain consumed him. He wanted to go up and hug her. Tell her no, he was wrong. Forgive him.

She began backing away further until her back hit her wall and she leaned against it for support. She was in shock.

Watching her slide down to the floor, he couldn't take it anymore. He walked towards her, kneeling down on his knees to face her. "Please," he begged cupping the back of her neck to let their foreheads meet. Staring into her eyes again, Jesse felt himself get lost. He had made the wrong choice. He had done the wrong thing.

Letting a tear drip from her cheek, Rachel raised a shaky hand to his face and threaded her fingers in his curly hair. Why was she hurting so badly? The feeling of her touching him made him sign in content, shutting his eyes at the gesture for a brief moment.

When looked back at her, she was still there all the same. Her eyes filled with tears and her lips quivering. Not being able to stand it any longer, he gave it a go kissing her again this time with more force. It made butterflies flutter in his stomach when she kissed him back, with the same needy force – if not more. Their lips parted with each other, trying to suck in as much oxygen they could each time they parted. Fisting his leather jacket and shirt tightly while he grasped at her skin and her hair, they slowly let go.

She panted for much longer than his while they stared at each other some more. She ran her sticky hands over his skin, tracing the features of his face with her fingers. His eyes, his mouth, his lips, his cheeks…

"Jesse," she breathed.

He couldn't have been more at peace when she said his name. It was like heaven. It was like coming home. It was like freedom. It was love.

Letting a sob over take her, she took her hands away from him to cover her own face and curl in a ball. She couldn't take the emotions consume her and he didn't let her do it alone. Bringing her into his lap, he held her in his arms and rocked them back in forth telling her his presence was real.

It took her a while to calm down. Jesse didn't keep track of time, but he started to become worried with how long her crying carried on. When she finally was able to take a deep breath and just sit there rocking back and forth with him, he knew she had gotten it out of her system.

"I'm so sorry," he repeated over and over kissing her head while he held her. Her hands had come over his arms, which were holding her closer to him and gripped him tight. She needed him as much as he needed her.

"Don't leave me," she whispered out in a sniffle. "Not again."

"I'll never," he promised, knowing that this time around, he was going to make sure it would come true.

* * *

Somehow after all of the commotion they had between them they found themselves on Rachel's bed. She was lying in his arms drawing patterns on his chest and arms while he held her close and gave her random kisses.

_Explain everything to me _Rachel wanted to tell Jesse. _Tell me everything._ Nothing came out of her lips though. Instead she laid there with him, soaking up there time. She didn't even know how he got into her house or what he was trying to achieve by reconciling with her again.

She knew that she should probably push him away and yell or even scream. She knew that it was mostly a mistake what she was doing – cuddling with the enemy. But she didn't have the effort or will to pull herself away from him. She missed him too much.

He started to hum 'Hello' to her while they laid there. It was their song. It was when they first met. Lying there, he had sung the whole song twice before she moved. Afraid that she was going to pull away, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer.

"Jesse," she breathed, craning her neck up to him. Looking to her, he stared into her eyes again. It was like they could convey every emotion going through their bodies in this way. They didn't even have to say anything.

"I love you," he whispered to her. She looked frightened at first, from what Jesse could tell. The words seemed to really impact her. _Probably because you've never actually said them to her before St. James_ he scolded himself.

She raised her hand up to his face again and touched his curls. There weren't words to describe what was going through Rachel's mind. It was a thousand things at once and nothing at all. The description didn't even come close but seemed to be the only way to tell it.

When he closed his eyes at her touch, he didn't expect to hear her talk. He figured there were no words she could possibly say. He didn't think she would say anything back – rather he was sure she wouldn't, but she did. "I love you too," she whispered. Snuggling back into him, she kept him close and fell asleep.

Of course Rachel Berry would stun him into silence. She was really the only one who could. He was always surprised at what she did could do. There was never a time where he could be pinpoint something definite about her other than those animal sweaters. Running his hand up and down her arms, he soon closed his eyes too and drifted off to sleep.

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**A/N: What'd ya think?! Sorry the chapter was so short and all the possible errors (as I'm sure there are lots of them since I didn't have time to check or reread). Leave a review to let me know!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I hope you review. I can't remember if I updated everyone, but Rachel's fate has been chosen, so look out!**

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Jesse woke up alone the next morning. There was no warm body beside him or darkness to shield his eyes from the bright daytime light. "Rachel?" he groaned getting up. Squinting, he took a look around and found nothing to be found. Her bathroom door was shut though and he heard the shower running.

It gave him a second to breath. He thought it had all been a dream or that she had run away. Glancing at the clock on her nightstand, he saw that she had a half hour before school was to start. It was unlike her to be late.

Running a hand through his curly hair, Jesse swung his feet over to the side of her bed and waited for her. They would need to talk – really talk. He needed to explain everything to her and make sure she would believe him when he would tell her he wanted to be with her. Vocal Adrenaline or no, he wanted to be with her and only her. He was ready to make up all the pain he caused her with years to come.

"Morning Mr. St. James," Hiram said coming into Rachel's bedroom.

"Mr. Berry!" Jesse exclaimed standing up. He hoped he didn't get any thoughts.

"It's alright," LeRoy said coming into the room too, this time with a tray of breakfast foods. "We aren't assuming anything. Hiram and I saw you two last night after we got in."

Puzzled, Jesse looked at the men. He saw them and didn't wake him up?

"You love her," LeRoy stated simply. "She loves you too."

Jesse's shoulders eased a bit and he was thankful they understood his intentions. He just wanted to love her and be with her again, nothing less and everything more. She loved him too.

"Don't mess this up again Jesse," Hiram warned while making an exit with LeRoy.

"I won't," Jesse promised. Hearing the door open, he turned around and looked at Rachel. She was wearing unusual attire for him to see her in; A baggy crème colored sweater, some black leggings and a pair of brown boots.

"Where are the animal sweaters?" he questioned to her. Shyly she pushed her sleeves down further and shrugged. He stared at her then – subjecting her to his analytical stance.

"Were my dads just out here?" she wondered in a soft voice.

"Yeah," he said breaking himself out of his thoughts. "They brought breakfast." Motioning to the bed, he showed her the lovely display of food they had set up. "Are you hungry?"

"Not really," she said still shy and unsure.

"Rachel," he sighed. "We should talk."

"I know," she murmured, stepping forward and looking at the single flower on the tray her dads put there for her. "But not now."

"Rach-"

"I have school Jesse," she told him, eyes meeting his.

"We can't put this off forever."

Stepping away, she swooped her backpack over her shoulder. "There's no such thing."

Rachel ignored the breakfast her dads had brought up to her and sidestepped Jesse going to school. She was sick for a little bit this morning, but now she was just tired – tired and confused.

She knew too, that they had to talk but she was afraid. She wasn't sure what she was going to hear or what he had to say. What if it was bad? What if it was another mission for her mom and Vocal Adrenaline? What if she was falling right back into his arms when he was just here to say goodbye?

Unsure of how she even got to school or if Jesse was going ever to leave her home, Rachel went to locker and tried to start her every day motions. Looking over at the commotion, she noticed some new girl getting picked on. The jocks had been cornering her against the lockers.

"Look at you four-eyes," Azimio spat in her face, knocking the big black framed glasses on the floor.

"Hey!" Rachel yelled. It only stopped them for a second.

"We'll get to you in a second glee freak," Karofysky called to her. Angry, Rachel mustered up some godly power and slammed her locker shut causing the air to fan in her face before going over there.

"Well lookie here" he stated, getting in her face too. "Four-eyes has a pal."

Feeling Azimio push her shoulders, she slammed into the back of the lockers, the combination locks against her bones making her wince.

"Hey!" This time Sue Sylvester called. Her call was ten times as strong and intimidating. "I did not just see you push that girl," she growled.

"Coach I was just-"

"My office. Now!" she snapped.

Flustered, Rachel winced a bit and then silently thanked the Coach. 'I'll be fine' her eyes conveyed before she watched Sue leave.

"Thanks," the girl with the glasses said. She was a petite Asian girl with a shy voice.

"Of course," Rachel said bending down and picking up the square frames. Handing them to her, she smiled and then walked away.

Pain riveted throughout her entire back. Since her shove against the lockers, Rachel had a hard time sitting still through class. She bruised much easier and it made the shove that much harder.

"Are you okay?" Santana whispered to her during their 5th hour biology class. Sneaking a peek at the teacher who was writing something at the board, she leaned over to her again. "You look like you have ants in your pants or something."

Santana was referring to her not being able to sit calmly in her seat. Giving her a nod, Rachel tried to be more composed. It hurt though, to lean back in the chair, and it took too much energy to sit forward for so long. Unable to wait for the bell ring, Rachel gathered her things and walked out of the class.

She hid in the auditorium. She set her books down on the edge of the stage and then went to the middle of the floor and laid there. It surprisingly didn't hurt her as much as the school chairs did. She laid perfectly still, staring at the lights and high ceiling.

"You okay?" a voice rang out. Recognizing who it was, Rachel didn't move a muscle. "How'd you know?"

"Santana texted me saying you walked straight out of bio class. She would have followed you but she's flunking the subject as is so asked me to come find you," Puck told her, coming to sit near her head. "I heard you landed into some trouble with Karofsky and Azimio this morning."

"They were picking on this new girl," Rachel explained. "I couldn't just sit back and let her take it."

"So you thought you would do something?" he questioned. Finding not to be the smartest, she let out a huff and surrendered to the silence.

"What's wrong?" he asked moments later.

_What wasn't wrong?_ She wanted to ask him.

"Jesse's back," she admitted. "He stopped by my place last night – well, more like he was waiting in my bedroom for me..."

"Huh?" Puck replied, losing her in the small story.

"My thoughts exactly," Rachel said turning her head to him. Ignoring the pain, she went on. "I love him. I still do. As much as I want to hate him for everything he did to me, I still want to be with him."

He stared at her staying silent.

"I can't shake the emotions he brings out in me. Its like…there is this renounced freedom when I'm with him. Nothing is hopeless. Everything seems possible." Rachel laughed at the cheesiness of what she was saying. "Gosh, when I say it out loud it sounds so terrible."

"Does he make you happy?" Puck wondered.

She thought about it for a second, turning to the ceiling to think it all through. Their whole ride was like a horrible rollercoaster. "He does," she told him with honesty when she turned her head back to meet his eyes. "After everything, he still does."

"Come on," he said grunting as he got up from the hard stage floor. Gently helping her up too, he brought out a microphone on a stand and pushed her forward.

"It's what you do Berry. From the entire time I've known you, you put your heart and soul into a song. So come on," Puck said standing back and waiting for her to pick something. Walking towards the microphone, Rachel stood there. Noah was right. She used to do this all of the time. Hearing the school bell ring, she shut her eyes and began her song

_**There were nights when the wind was so cold  
That my body froze in bed  
If I just listened to it  
Right outside the window**_

And then suddenly she was singing this with the glee club all behind her. They had found her without a doubt, and stood behind her, letting her sing out whatever emotions she was feeling.

_**There were days when the sun was so cruel  
That all the tears turned to dust  
And I just knew my eyes were  
Drying up forever**_

_**I finished crying in the instant that you left  
And I can't remember where or when or how  
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made**_

Jesse had snuck into the auditorium of McKinley High, hoping to surprise Rachel. He had wanted to come in before glee club and ask take her home after school so they could talk. He figured since they all weren't in the choir room that they would be rehearsing there and what surprised him was to see Rachel singing a solo while everyone stood behind her.

_**But when you touch me like this  
And you hold me like that  
I just have to admit  
That it's all coming back to me  
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)**_

_**There were moments of gold  
and there were flashes of light  
there were nights of endless pleasure  
it was more than any laws allow  
Baby Baby Baby**_

The song was about them, Jesse knew. There was no doubt in his mind that it was and he wasn't sure how to take it. What did that mean for them? She sang the song so powerfully displaying her love and hurt at the same time. Was he able to make everything up to her and take the pain he caused all back?

_**When you touch me like this  
And when you hold me like that  
It was gone with the wind  
But it's all coming back to me  
I can barely recall  
But it's all coming back to me now**_

"Beautiful Rachel," Mr. Shuester complimented. Smiling, she left the edge of the center stage only to hug Puckerman.

_What was that about?_ Jesse wondered at the gesture. He watched as the rest of glee club went on. Most of them practiced choreography while Rachel, Finn, Kurt, and Mercedes stood back to go over their mash up of songs. Enjoying his observations, Jesse had to give the glee teacher props. Mr. Shuester was improving. It wasn't anything like Vocal Adrenaline, but for some reason he noticed more heart in their group. It was more than what he had been apart of before – it was as if the bonds of the music weren't the only things keeping them all together. Waiting for the long hour of practice to be over, he sat there hanging around until Rachel gathered her things and said goodbye to her friends to go to her last class. Sneaking back outside of the auditorium, he waited by the doors. He couldn't wait to see her.

He only had to stand about a minute or two against the wall before she had come out, not even noticing him. "Rachel," he announced. Watching her spin around, he watched her eyes go wide.

"W-what are you doing here?" She was stuttering around him a lot now, which he found it to be pretty cute. HE made her nervous. Stepping towards her as people began filtering through the halls, he took her hands.

"I was waiting for you. I thought I could drive you home after your class."

"O-oh." She gave a nervous smile, looking unsure of the gesture. "Well…thank you." Retracting her hands she steadied her bag on her shoulder and kept her arms around her waist.

His face fell at the gesture but continued to walk with her nonetheless. "Of course."

"How's your day been?" he wondered while he fought through the crowd. Jesse didn't remember it being this hard to keep up with her in the hallways. As kept getting in the way of others, she maneuvered easily around them.

"Its been okay," she admitted softly. He was unfamiliar with this Rachel. Where was the boldness? The spark. She was always louder and more energetic. Now she was quiet and reserved.

"Rachel!" a voice called. Stopping in the middle of the hallway, both Rachel and Jesse turned back to see Finn coming towards her, along with Kurt right behind him with a worried look. Finn had a determined look on his face after spotting Jesse.

Looks like he has a lot to say, Rachel sighed to herself.

"Finn man," Puck said coming after the two of them too. Just what I need, Rachel groaned. Hiding her face, she put a hand on her forehead and tried to duck a bit. Jesse looked at his girlfriend er-…friend, and felt confused. She never acted this way, even when Finn had a bone to pick with either of them. Usually she steeled herself straight and took whatever he had to say like a champ. What was going on?

"What are you doing here St. James?" Finn snapped standing in between them. "Are you with him now Rachel?" he asked venomously.

"Finn, stop," Kurt said in a strict tone putting a hand on his arm. Moving away, Finn told Kurt to back off while he stared at the pair. "Are you?"

"Dude," Puck said coming towards all of them now. Pushing Finn back a bit, he told the man to calm down.

"Well great, we just got a crowd of freaks here," Karofsky said with Azimio.

"Carrying an entourage now Berry?" Azimio asked. Rachel shrunk back, not even daring to look at them. She just wanted to go to class, or better yet – home.

"You ain't scared of us are you little freak?" Karofsky asked while Azimio stepped towards her. Rachel didn't know what came over her. She suddenly felt a surge of energy and wasn't so intimidated anymore. Steeling herself straight, she looked at the two of them long and hard. "No, I'm not."

The silence lingered between the groups. Immediately Rachel knew it was the wrong thing to say to Azimio. His eyes flickered with anger and his hands balled into fists. While Jesse stared at the interaction confused, Kurt looked at Rachel wide-eyed impressed that she would say something to them like that. Did that really just happen? Puck knew what was coming next, because as soon as Azimio shoved Rachel hard against the lockers he was on the jock quicker than a bullet.

"Rachel!" Kurt yelled going to her immediate aid. Chaos broke out. While Jesse, Kurt and Finn went to Rachel, Puck began letting punches fly. It wasn't until Karofsky knocked Puck in the ribs that Finn joined in on the fight to.

"Enough!" Coach Beastly called, blowing her whistle. Everyone winced at the loud sound. "What in God's name is going on here? Can you all see yourselves right now?"

"He pushed Rachel Coach!" Puck protested with a bloody lip and a swelling black eye.

"That true Azimio?" Coach Beastly asked. Azimio shrugged off Pucks grasped and shrugged hi shoulders. "Whatever man."

Going over to him, Finn gave the jock's shoulders a shove. It caused Karofsky to his defend his friend and the Coach to yell "hey!" again really loud. Everyone had stopped moving in the hallway and watched.

"Hudson!" Coach Beastly scolded.

"What the hell man!" Finn yelled to the two and showcasing Rachel. "You don't just push people into lockers. Especially her! She's sick!"

"Damn straight she's sick," Karofsky said staring down at her and giving a scoff.

"She has cancer man," Finn said offended. Silence rained down on the whole school. While Kurt went wide-eyed, Rachel shut her eyes hoping that this wasn't happening. Jesse had frozen next to her, slowly turning his head to look at her for confirmation. Finn had immediately regretted the words, turning to Puck and the rest of his glee gang. "I-I…I didn't mean to. I'm sorry, I-"

"Shut up Finn," Kurt immediately said scanning the crowd before looking at her.

"Way to go dude," Puck muttered looking at everyone else. The jocks were now silent, Karofsky looking actually guilty unlike Azimio who was just shocked.

"Are you okay Rachel?" Coach Beastly was the first one to speak up when the teen slowly went to get up with some help from Kurt, Jesse and Puck. Nodding towards the other woman while keeping her head down, she swallowed hard.

"Okay," Beastly sighed softly. "Boys. My office! NOW!" the coach shouted pointing the way. All four of the guys – Karofsky, Azimio, Puck and Finn – were sentenced to follow the coach. Puck gave Rachel a longing glance, hesitating to leave her side before going with the coach while Finn stared at them all in guilt not saying anything when he left.

"What are you all looking at?!" Kurt yelled to the school when the guys left and they all stared at Rachel. Hearing the bell ring, Kurt glared at them all and gestured for everyone to get a move on while he stood with his best friend.

"Are you-"

Rachel rushed off, leaving the two men behind while ducking her head in the hallway walking swiftly away from the scene. "Alright?" he sighed finishing the rest of sentence. Kurt knew she was running away to hide. She blurred within the crowds of people and went to try and disappear. It was exactly what he would of done. He would go find somewhere like the bathroom or the choir room crying her eyes out feeling disgusted that people now knew. It was the last thing she wanted and now the entire student body was aware of her condition. He couldn't even see her when he anymore when he broke out of his thoughts. She was gone.

Going off to look for her, he stopped for a second when he caught a glimpse of a person still standing beside him. Turning over his shoulder slightly, he saw Jesse with his head down and eyes moving processing the information.

"She didn't want people to know. For you to," Kurt said to him. Jesse looked up to him raw pain in his eyes. "Rachel's a fighter. She's strong and she'll pull through this." Again with his positivity. With everyday going by, Kurt started to believe it less and les. Rachel wasn't getting better. She was looking worse and worse. Looking back to the floor, Kurt nodded in understandment knowing there wasn't really anything he could say. Setting on his way to go find his friend, he left the Vocal Adrenaline boy standing there to find his own way back to reality.

"Rachel?" Kurt called sticking his head in the women's restroom. "Are you in there?" There was silence and he waited a second hoping to hear a sniffle or cry. Getting none, Kurt sighed and went to the next place on his list. He had now checked the auditorium, choir room, the two other girls bathrooms, her classroom and even school rooftop. She was nowhere to be found.

"I need reinforcements," he muttered to himself. Thinking of whom to enroll, Kurt snapped his fingers and set off for his next destination. Sue Sylvester.

Rachel had told him that Sue knew. She told him the whole story saying how helpful she was and how she was a different kind of Sue when they were in private. Kurt had actually witnessed it himself once when they were in the hallway one day. Rachel looked about ready to pass out and Sue had stopped by them asking Rachel in a low voice if she was okay. It had taken him a second after Sue left their presence to understand what he saw, and it made Rachel laugh.

"Coach Syl-…Rachel!" Kurt said barging in the woman's office and finding his friend. The office was empty of any cheerleading coach, only to be filled with a sobbing girl crying in a ball. Quickly going over to her he put his hands on his arms and let her bawl on and on while wishing he could take away what Finn had done. It had destroyed her. It took away her fantasy and replaced it with a harsh reality.

"Rachel," Sue said quietly coming in. She too, took a seat on the floor on the other side of him, putting a hand on the girl's back. Looking up, Rachel had tears streaming down her eyes.

"I know this isn't the time," Sue sighed in a very serious and gentle tone, "but Principal Figgins needs to see you. You're the only one who can talk to him about Puck and Finn's actions."

"Why can't I Coach?" Kurt volunteered. "I was right there."

"You will too," Sue told him in the same gentle voice. "Along with that St. James boy. All three of you need to be down there."

Rachel heaved in a breath and let a few more tears escape her eyes.

"Do you think you can do that?" Sue asked brushing some hair away from her face in a motherly way. Kurt stared at the two in a great disbelief. He had never seen this side of the Cheerios Coach. Watching as Rachel nodded, the two of them waited for her to become composed.

Moaning when a hand was put on her back, both Kurt and looked at each other. They moved Rachel's hair to one side and then pulled back her sweater only to see large bruises forming at the back of her shoulders and spread across her back. Fury filled Sue's face and she kept in check, still being gentle with Rachel. "Come on," she said guiding them forwards.

When they walked into Figgins office all four boys were sitting in the chairs in front of the principals desk. Coach Beastly stood right behind them while their parents were off to the side staring at their children in a mixture of sadness, disappointment and anger. Jesse was already waiting there too, standing at the opposite end of the room with his arm propped up on his other, leaning his head on his hand in worry and concentration. As soon as they came into the room everyone sat up straight. Jesse immediately looked to Rachel stepping towards her in concern. The boys had shifted in their seats and Puck and Finn looked back to make sure their friend was okay.

"Rach…I-" Finn began, hoping to apologize and explain.

"That will be enough Mr. Hudson," Principal Figgins said stopping him by putting a hand up and getting comfortable in his chair.

"Rachel honey, are you okay?" Carole asked looking at the teary eyed girl. Both she and Burt were there sitting and waiting. Rachel couldn't muster anything but a sad nod to Carole as she kept her eyes planted on the ground while grasping at the sleeves of her sweater in nervousness. Rachel didn't want to be here. She didn't want to say anything and she certainly didn't want to help do anything.

Sue stood behind both Rachel and Kurt with furious and protective eyes.

"Ms. Berry," Principal Figgins said.

"From what I hear, it was both Karofsky and Azimio who started the fight was it not?"

Closing her eyes, Rachel swallowed hard. "Yes."

"I'm sorry?" he asked. "Ms. Berry, you are going to have to speak up a little louder."

"She said yes Figgy," Sue spoke for her in a louder voice.

"Sue, you need to stay out of this. I have to hear it from her for anything to happen," Figgins instructed. The poor man was getting dagger looks from the cheerleading Coach.

"Yes," she said louder. Glancing up for a quick second, Rachel looked around the room and saw the jocks and their parents get mad.

"My boy would never do such a thing!" Azimio's mom spoke in out rage. "That skinny white girl is lying!"

"She is not!" Kurt snapped back.

"Says the cracker white boy!" his mother said in protest. "Look at that girl trying to the cancer card. It's a shame!"

"Why you-…" Sue said about ready to lose it.

"Enough," Figgins said putting a hand up. "Rachel, can you tell me what happened?"

Her heart slammed hard against her chest making it hard for her to breathe. Jesse saw the nerves wrack her body and her breathing get shallow. "I can," he spoke up, looking at Kurt and then Rachel, signaling she needed help.

"That is great Mr. St. James, but I again need to hear it from Ms. Berry. She is the victim here, not you. I've already heard your statement."

Crossing his fingers together, Figgins leaned forwards against the desk. "Now Rachel…"

"Don't make her do this," Finn spoke up from his seat.

"You're subjecting her to just a lifetime more of bullying by making her talk," Kurt added.

"As soon as these punks come back into school they'll be trying to beat her up," Puck noted in his chair. He didn't blame Rachel for staying silent.

"They would do no such thing-"

"Oh please," Sue added knowing it was true.

"Sue," Coach Beastly warned, knowing she was going to tread on thin ice with the Principal. As much as she agreed with them all, it was just making matters worse.

"She has bruises!" Kurt exclaimed. Muttering an apology to Rachel, they all looked at her.

"Well? Can we see them?" the Principal asked. Everyone turned to face her, waiting for the proof.

Glancing from the floor, to Figgins, back to the floor, to Jesse – who gave her an encouraging nod, again to the floor and then to Sue, Rachel sighed. Shrugging off her shoulder as best as she could, getting help from Kurt, she moved her hair to the side and turned around. Her matching crème tank top was thin enough that you could see everything. Just her bare shoulders were enough evidence of what they had done.

"I bruise easier," Rachel murmured.

"See!" Karofsky said. "We could have just touched her and she could have bruised.

"It's not like that you idiot," Kurt stated while Rachel got help putting her sweatshirt back on. Jesse felt like pacing the room and then punching the fools that hurt Rachel. He didn't know what to do with his pent up frustrations and emotions. He was like a lion in a cage, desperate to get out.

"He pushed her!" Finn yelled in protest. A shouting match began to happen, letting all hell break loose again. The parents were shouting, the boys were shouting and then the principal was shouting.

Coach Beastly blew her whistle again and got things under control. "Are we done?" Everyone sat back in their seats furious of what was going on.

"Unfortunately Mr. Karofsky is right, Rachel could have sustained those bruises elsewhere. We cannot directly correlate those today. So unless she is willing to speak up…"

"That's bull shit!" Puck yelled.

"Watch your tone Mr. Puckerman," Figgins warned. "you are already being considered for expulsion."

"No!" Rachel said immediately protesting. She surprised everyone with the outburst. "I-It wasn't his fault. He was just trying to defend me."

"Defending you or not Ms. Berry, he still also committed violence in this school and I will not stand for-"

"Oh come on," Burt said speaking up now. He was getting tired of it. "We know how badly these glee kids get beaten up. We've seen them come home missing gems from their shoes or a scared look on their face. You're really going to let this go Principal Figgins? To let a serious action of bullying go on in your school?"

"Mr. Hummel," Principal Figgins said ready to start a long speech.

"Enough," Rachel pleaded shutting her eyes. She couldn't stand this anymore.

"Rach-," Kurt began. It seemed like they were getting somewhere.

"No Kurt," she sighed.

"Principal Figgins, you know that both Karofsky and Azimio bullied another girl earlier today. Why isn't that enough?"

That's my Rachel Jesse thought.

"Again, there was no evidence that-"

"So what you're saying is that with my words against theirs I can what? Get them suspended for a few days? Sentence them to a months worth of detention?"

"Well…"

"You really think that is going to do anything?" she asked him not letting the man finish. Turning to her bullies she stared at them. "I'm dying. You really want to keep bullying a living dead girl?" With that, she turned towards their parents. "And you. You all should be ashamed of yourselves. I'm not standing here because I want to. You think this is easy? You think I like doing this? I can't be the first ones to ever see bullying happen – to try and stop it. I know you were all young once, it's not a new notion."

No one could be more proud of Rachel they were.

"I don't care if your sons go away for a day or a week. They could be expelled and it wouldn't matter. They are bullies and something needs to happen. Someone needs to step up and stop them. Get help, go to counseling, it doesn't matter. Either way they – you," she said looking back to Karofsky and Azimio, "are ruining peoples lives. You're hurting about the people that could care about you. If you only gave them a chance," she breathed.

Inhaling, she turned back to everyone. "I'm dying. So pick on me or don't, it wont matter, but Principal Figgins, you can't let Noah or Finn take the fall for this. They were trying to take care of me the only way they know. If it wasn't for them I could have ended up with a broken bone or something," she told him being somewhat dramatic.

"Rachel," Figgins sighed.

"I did it," Karofsky muttered.

"Dude!" Azimio exclaimed hitting his friend.

"What!?" Karofsky shouted back and moved away from him. "I'm not letting her reach her death bed with this on my conscious."

"She's not going to die," Azimio muttered, "She's being a dramatic bitch."

"Mr. Azimio!" Principal Figgins said. His mother didn't say anything. Instead she was looking away.

"Yeah, I bullied her," Karofsky continued. "I didn't push her, but I guess my words did."

"And you Mr. Azimio?" Principal Figgins asked. Sue shot daggers at the other jock waiting for him to squirm in his seat. It didn't take long and before Rachel knew it he was throwing his hands up. "Fine! So I pushed her."

"Mr. Hudson, Mr. Puckerman, I'll let your actions go but don't let it happen again," he said with a raised tone. "As for you two," he instructed to the jocks.

"I absolutely agree Figgy," Sue spoke up. "You two are expelled."

"Sue!" Figgins said angrily.

"Get out of here kids, Sue Sylvester can take care of this," Sue said referring to the glee kids. Nodding, Rachel gave her a sad smile before walking out with her arms crossed with everyone else.

When they reached the hallway, she immediately put her head on Kurt's shoulder.

"Oh honey, we're so proud of you," Carole told Rachel, giving her and Kurt a big hug.

"Rach, I-"

"Not the time Finn," Burt suggested to his stepson with a handclap on his shoulder.

"Rachel…" Jesse breathed looking at her. He kept his hands in his pockets wondering what would happen next. Rachel backed away from the group coming over and reaching on her toes to hug him. Jesse couldn't have been more happy and relieved. Hugging her back, gently aware of her bruises, he rested his forehead on her shoulder. They were going to be okay.

* * *

**A/N: Yeay! What did everyone think? Reviews please!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Wow, so I fail at updating. I've been meaning to do so sooner, but time slips away! Here is the next chapter to the story for anyone who is still following along!**

* * *

Jesse gave Rachel a ride home. The Hudson-Hummel family offered, but she knew that her and Jesse needed to talk so she opted for a ride with him. Neither of them seemed to mind that most of the drive was silent except for the show tunes playing to fill the air. They had a lot to think about and deal with before they could confront each other.

When Jesse parked and walked up to the Berry household, he wondered how to begin. What do you say where there are so many things to explain – to need to be explained?

Twisting the key in the lock, Rachel came home to an empty house. She knew her dads had left for a two-day business trip. Although they didn't want to, she repeated how vital it was for her to keep a regular lifestyle. Them traveling was a normal thing. It was necessary for their job, which became a necessity for her too.

"My dads are out of town," she told him while dropping her things. The three of them had spent so much time home together that it was weird to think they were gone. Grabbing her and Jesse some water, they both sat down on the couch and faced each other.

Who was going first?

"I guess I should start," Jesse said watching Rachel look down at her lap. Leaning his head on his hands against the couch he gave a sigh and tried to think back of where to begin. "Before I met you…even before that," he struggled. "I-…well…"

"My mom asked you to get closer to me didn't see?" Rachel prompted as he stumbled. She stared at him straight in the eye; brave enough to face the facts. She had drawn the conclusion soon after things ended with her mom. It made sense that she had Jesse give her that push.

"She did," he said slowly. "She pulled me aside after Vocal Adrenaline's practice one night and explained that she was your birth mom and she wanted you to meet her. I didn't ask many questions and she didn't give many answers. We had this agreement that I would do it. At first it seemed like just a great opportunity to practice my acting skills so I could better myself for the future." He continued to stare at her, even when she shifted in her spot and looked away. "I did some research on you and then coincidentally found you at the library one day."

"That wasn't a set up?" she wondered thinking he probably was stalking her at the time or something. Jesse always took his work seriously.

"No," he chuckled, letting it fade from his face when he saw her solemn expression. "It wasn't. It was pure coincidence. You actually passed right by me when you dove for those music books. I thought that when you started heading towards me I was going to have to shake your hand and give you my autograph, but instead you zipped right by. It was like I wasn't even there."

Rachel blushed and bit her lip. "It really surprised me actually," he continued in a gentle tone, "I wasn't used to someone – especially a girl – just walk right by me without even recognizing me."

"I eventually did," she countered.

"That you did," he noted giving a smile.

"Was our song…"

"Fake?" he questioned filling in her silence. "No, it wasn't." The fear visibly left her body and Jesse felt immensely guilty. Did she question everything in their relationship? "Rachel, I didn't even plan on seeing you that day. I just put on my best game face and walked over to you. I had no intention of singing or to us have a connection like that. It just happened. All the research I did on you was basic. I looked for what you liked, what you didn't, who you modeled after, and all of those minor things that didn't even really describe who you are."

Finding she wouldn't hold her stare with his, he sighed and gently reached to take her hand. "I fell for you without even realizing it. The time we spent together really struck something inside of me. I started to think about you wondering what kind of things we would do next. Would we sing another great duet? Would we be called the power couple? And when I wasn't with you, I missed you. It was like I couldn't escape you."

He ran his other hand through his hair. "That's when I tried to take a step back. I realized what I was doing to you and thought that with space I could become more objective again. My mission from Shelby was just to get to know you, not to fall in love with you. I made sure not to contact you over my spring break and spent time drowning myself with my friends at Vocal Adrenaline. I thought that as long as I didn't think about you, the situation would go away." He swallowed hard and admitted the hard truth. "It worked for a while. You weren't always constantly on my mind then and it felt like for a moment I could breathe."

Rachel listened to his words, taking her hand slowly away from his. It worked? He could breathe? Was she smothering him now then too?

"Rachel," he stated with a small beg. He didn't want to lose her. They were supposed to be okay – to make it through this.

"J-j-just…" she shut her eyes. "Just continue."

He gazed at her for a few seconds before continuing on. "I knew I couldn't escape you. When I arrived home to Ohio Shelby was already waiting for me. She was getting impatient with my progress and wanted me to push you."

Rachel swallowed the lump of growing tears in her throat. _I couldn't escape you._

"So I returned to McKinley. I had every intention of being a different Jesse. I planned to keep up my cockiness knowing how even though you tolerated it, you also challenged it, and even raise some drama in glee club so I didn't have to like New Directions as much." Jesse ran a hand over his face finding this so hard to do. He just wanted to hold Rachel in his arms. By the looks of things though, it seemed she didn't want anything to do with him. She had distanced herself away from him, barely even able to meet his eyes.

Continuing to try, he looked at her. "But then I saw you. I watched you spin around in the dance studio and all I wanted to do was touch you – to hug you. I needed you in my arms and to feel your body against mine. It was like everything I worked on playing, had completely backfired against me. I hugged you and just…it felt so right. It was like I was coming home."

Rachel sniffled and quickly wiped a tear away from her face. He was hurting her – again. Ashamed, Jesse glanced away, unable to take the pain. "I used your dream week assignment for glee club against you. I tried to prompt you in a way that would trigger your thoughts about the things missing from your life. You so happened to answer with your mom and it worked out perfect. Shelby had already given me a tape of her singing that she wanted to give you some how, so when we went looking through the boxes, I planted it in there and then took it out to make it seem like some type of big discovery."

Rachel gave a dark chuckle to herself. The two of them were dramatic people and he played it so well.

"When you wouldn't listen to the tape, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't bring myself to force you at the time and so I met with Shelby that night. I had every intention of calling the arrangement off with her. I did my part and then it was up to you to bring yourself to listen to the tape. But I met with her in her car and she looked so helpless. She was more vulnerable than I had ever seen her. She really wanted her daughter back in her life."

_Right_, Rachel thought sarcastically while looking up so her tears wouldn't fall again.

"So I forced you to listen to the tape. I meant to do it in the gentlest way possible, planning to be right by your side when you needed me, but when it came down to it, I couldn't be there. The look in your eyes…I was too ashamed of myself to sit there and play comforting boyfriend when it was all my fault that you were in pain. Your reaction the next day became my out," he admitted. "After I found you in the girl's bathroom I decided I couldn't do this to you any longer. I used your meltdown as a chance to get away. As much as I liked you, I knew how low I stooped. My guilt was eating me up inside and so I walked away. I re-enroll at Carmel and took the week off to practice with Vocal Adrenaline again. I expected that you wouldn't want anything to do with me after that, thinking I would become a lost memory, but when you texted me, it changed my whole world."

Gripping her thighs a little tighter, he waited till she somewhat looked at him. "I had no idea that she would do this Rach," Jesse said pleading with her. Now he was really trying to grasp for her, hoping she would see his desperation. He stared at her until finally he took his own hand and slipped it under her chin to meet her eyes with his. "I didn't know," he said softly. When she pulled away again, he sighed. What could he do to make her believe him?

"I listened to you and your mom when you came in spying on us," he announced. _That caught her attention_ he noticed. "I was in costume center stage."

_It was him, _she thought to herself. _I knew it!_

"At first, I was scared you had recognized me, but when I realized you didn't I stood behind the curtain off stage and listened to you and your mom talk. I thought everything had went well. I must have left before Shelby had her meltdown and pushed you away."

"W-why did you say anything?"

"How could I?" he questioned Taking a sip of his water, he turned back and continued. "I didn't know until she came to McKinley High to see you. I thought things had gone great, especially when you stopped in again." He began pleading, "I know I messed things up badly. I-I just …I-…erg! Rachel…"

He was frustrated with himself, but what had hurt him even more was that she slid away from him. Curling herself into a ball, she rested her chin on her knees and looked away. "Please," she said in a soft voice "just finish."

Silence passed between them for a while until he caved in. Jesse needed to tell his story, he knew he needed to; he just wished it didn't hurt. "I decided that we needed to talk about everything. Sue had asked something about you not knowing this when I turned in my papers and it hit me hard. I was ready to march across the auditorium stage to tell you everything when your mom beat me there. I stood in the shadows and watched yet another conversation between you too. I saw you cry when she left and blamed myself. I chickened out from going up to you and texted you instead. I thought it would bring you some peace until we funkified you guys."

Rachel let out a little sound at that, remembering how as clear as day that was. "I didn't mean to be so harsh," he stated hoping she already knew. "Vocal Adrenaline was getting on my back about my loyalties and it didn't help with those online posts. We had to stick it to you guys."

"And the eggs?" she asked in a hard tone. "Those were just part of it too?"

"Rachel," he pleaded.

Watching her stand up, Rachel turned her shoulder towards him, running a hand through her hair while she sniffled. Hearing his story had hurt so much more than she expected. It was like all of his doings came back, slicing her heart once again. The healing marks on her soul were being ripped open.

"The eggs were Giselle's idea," he stated in truth knowing he had hurt her so much more. There wasn't anything he could say now except for the rest of the truth. "And you know how that turned out."

"I do," she sniffled trying to appear stronger than she felt. Keeping her arms crossed, she looked down at him still on the couch.

"I don't know where to go from here," she admitted.

"Rachel," he panicked, getting up from the couch and standing in front of her. Hesitantly putting his hands on her arms, he bent his knees to become more eye level with her so she would stare into his eyes. "We can go anywhere – everywhere – from here. You still have to tell me your side of the story, but I believe that we can get through this. We can be strong together."

Rachel let out a pathetic laugh. Strong? She felt so completely opposite of that right now.

Moving his hands upward, he cupped her neck and pushed up her face. "We are made for each other. I'm not letting you go again. Screw Vocal Adrenaline. Screw Carmel. All I want to do is be with you. If I had to go back to Lima, get slushied in the face or beat up those two bozo bullies for you I will."

She stared into his eyes like she was reading his soul. "Give me a chance."

The phone rang startling them both. It broke Rachel's thoughts away and leaving him, she went to go get it. "Hello?"

"Rachel, it's doctor Dillard. Do you think you could swing by the hospital to talk?"

"Is everything okay?" she wondered nervously.

"We have some more of your test results from the chemo treatments I would like go over with you and your dads. I thought I would make the phone call personally."

"Oh…well my dads aren't home. They are away on a business for a few days. But I can still come in if you would like."

"Why don't you do that?" the doctor said. Hearing a page over the PA system in the background, the woman became quicker. "I am getting page right now, but I'll try to be as quick as I can. I'll see you when you get here."

"Okay, sounds good. Thanks doctor." Hanging up, Rachel bit her lip nervously. She was running out of options and if this one failed too then she was really going to be grasping for options to save her life.

"Rach?" Jesse asked coming to find her after a few minutes. "Is everything okay?"

"I- um…I need to get to the hospital," she told him going to gather her things.

Following right on her heels, he began to worry. "Are you feeling okay? Did you need me to drive you?"

"My doctor just needs to talk to me. I'll be fine."

Watching her frenzy around the room looking frantic, he caught her by the elbow. "Let me take you."

Staring at him for a few seconds, she nodded. Each grabbing their things, they headed out to his car and drove off in silence.

* * *

The whole car ride there Jesse kept looking over at Rachel. She kept to herself, just staring out the window with her hands in her lap. He was left with so many questions and nervous feelings. Were they going to be okay? Was she? Could he get a second chance from her? What did her doctor want? Did she accept his story? Should her dads be here with her?

Pulling into the parking garage, they quickly found a spot and walked in the building. She hadn't said a word to him since they left the house. What should he say?

Rachel led Jesse to the cancer hospital wing, checking in at the front desk to tell them that she was here for when her doctor was ready. Waiting in the waiting room, she impatiently sat there with Jesse until she couldn't take it anymore.

Heading off to the kid's cancer center, she went to go find some friendly faces. While being here for long weekends and hours on end, she had come accustomed to meeting other kids like her – or kids with more extreme cases. They had all been like a small knit unit when they were there. Most of the kids' time was spent in that room where it was more sterile and had things to do besides what was in their empty hospital rooms.

"Rachel!" Lucas perked up seeing her come in the room. Lucas was a 10-year-old, pale white, hairless child going through stage four leukemia. His parents were praying for a miracle, but so far none had come and he was getting worse.

A smile ran across Rachel's face and she walked over to him. "How are you doing?" she wondered.

"I've had better days," he told her while playing with a tower of blocks in front of him.

"How are you? Getting any closer to your miracle?" he wondered.

"We'll see," she told him with a small frown. "Dr. Dillard wanted to see me today, so I'm hoping she'll have good news."

"Me too," he smiled at her. Wrapping her arms around him, she gave him a side squeeze.

"Hey Rachel?" he wondered while she zoned out for a few seconds. Raising an eyebrow at him, Lucas gave a nod to the doorway. "Who's that?" Turning to look to who he was referring to, she realized it was Jesse. He was standing with his hands against the doorframe with in his pockets looking at her and the kid.

Biting her lip, she gave Lucas a smile and then got up, walking over to Jesse and taking his hand. She wanted to chuckle at his surprised face when she reached for him, but she realized she was still unsure of their relationship, and hid the gesture.

"Lucas, this is my…m-m-y-y friend Jesse," She said stumbling over what to call him. Friend? Competition? Boyfriend? Ex-enemy?

"Nice to meet you," Lucas said first as he noticed the Jesse guy was focused on Rachel.

"You too bud," Jesse said kneeling down to be more level with him. "So how'd you two become friends?"

"We happened to be in the same place at the same time," Rachel shrugged with a small smile and laugh to Lucas. Whenever she talked to him Jesse noticed there was a twinkle in her eyes. She really liked him.

"We sat next to each other while getting our chemo," Lucas added proudly. He too had that same sparkle in his eyes. Even though he looked very sick, he held this happiness with him.

Jesse looked to Rachel for a second before leaning over to Lucas with a hand covering part of his mouth. "She's a talkative one isn't she?"

Lucas laughed and Rachel's smile grew. Maybe he could win her over with Lucas's approval.

The three of them talked for a while. Jesse had Lucas laughing which had Rachel smiling. He liked that look on her face – a smile. Jesse liked that he could make her have that and even laugh once or twice. It was much than better than before.

They were interrupted when a little girl no more than 5 ran up to Rachel and gave her a big hug around her neck. Jesse guessed she couldn't have been more than 30lbs, looking so skinny and frail. He could tell she was going through cancer treatments too by the way her blonde hair was thinning and she looked tired. Turning a bit, Jesse saw the girl's parents, both standing there hugging each other while smiling at their daughter's and Rachel's interaction.

"Why hello Ms. Callie," Rachel cooed, giving the girl's belly a tickle.

"Song," She said shyly with a finger in her mouth.

"Yeah!" Lucas said with bright eyes as he agreed. "Do a song Rachel!" She looked at the two of them smiling.

"Can you sing too?" Lucas questioned to Jesse. Jesse gave a smirk and looked to Rachel who was looking at him in the gentlest of ways. "Yeah, he can" she said proudly.

"Duet!" Lucas exclaimed while Callie just clapped waiting to hear a song.

Silently checking it with Jesse, she saw him waiting for her.

"Callie, go get that instrument!" Lucas said pointing to the other side of the room. Callie's mom went to grab it while Callie just smiled and hugged Rachel. Holding it out, Jesse took it from the woman with a quick "thank you".

"What song should we do?" he wondered to the group.

"I don't know," Lucas shrugged. "Rachel usually just thinks of one."

"Rachel?" Jesse asked with a raised eyebrow. How many times had she done this for them? Thinking for a while, Jesse took that to his advantage and started to strum the guitar.

"_**Come up to meet you, tell you I  
'm sorry  
You don't know how lovely you are  
I had to find you, tell you I need you  
Tell you I set you apart**_"

Rachel knew the song, quickly ready to jump in. "_**Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions  
Oh, let's go back to the start  
Running in circles, coming in tails  
Heads on a science apart**_"

"_**Nobody said it was easy  
It's such a shame for us to part  
Nobody said it was easy  
No one ever said it would be this hard  
Oh, take me back to the start**_

_**I was just guessing at numbers and figures  
Pulling the puzzles apart  
Questions of science, science and progress  
Could not speak as loud as my heart**_

_**Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me  
Oh when I rush to the start  
Running in circles, chasing tails  
Coming back as we are**_

_**Nobody said it was easy  
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part  
Nobody said it was easy  
No one ever said it would be so hard  
I'm going back to the start**_

_**Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh  
Ah ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh  
Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh  
Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh**_"

When they were finished, they stared at each other. The feeling of singing together again was exhilarating. They both got that same rush that they had when they first sang with each other. Keeping a lock on one others eyes, they conveyed an unbearable need. Jesse wanted to just reach over and grab her, bringing her to his lap only to kiss her senseless. He saw it in her too – the firey passion – but he also saw her walls slowly come back up. _No, let your guard down,_ Jesse tried to convey with his eyes_. I won't hurt you again – I'll try my hardest, I promise_. Breaking the stare when they both heard clapping, Rachel smiled and opened her arms wide to give both to Lucas and Callie a hug.

"Rachel?" A brown haired doctor asked coming into the room. She was waiting patiently with a file in her hand and a white lab coat on. Assuming this was the doctor, Jesse nervously got up with Rachel, silently saying his goodbyes as he went to follow her.

"Jesse," Lucas said calling after him. Turning, he saw the kid give a small smile. "You're pretty good. Not as good as Rachel but I like you."

Jesse laughed at the kid's approval going back for a fist pump before running off to find Rachel. No one was as good as her, but he could try anyways.

* * *

**A/N: REVIEW! Next chapter is going to be pretty important! Any guesses of what is going to happen?**  
**(I have yet to add in Rachel's side of explaining things so that may be pushed off onto later chapters - keep you posted though!)**


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